One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with Barack Obama.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to Obama.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned Obama about it:
“Obama, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”
Obama replied:
“I love you and I would never leave you.
But during your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
you were a bit of a political liability,
so I had to keep my distance.”
The man looked at the footprints again:
“And why are there also tire tracks from a bus
over those lone footprints?”
Obama nodded and started to move away:
“Yeah, I probably shouldn’t be seen talking to you.”
I'm just an individual who hopes to inspire but not impose his views on others. I seek not to convince but only hope that my words are written well enough to get others to delve deeper into their own thoughts and ideas. I am sincere in all that I say but never so serious as to not listen to the ideas of others
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Promoted Comment: The Biggest Lie About Electric Cars
Sources conflict on the number of pounds of coal to create a kWh of electricity:
* Dept. of Energy: 2.1 lbs.
* Arizona Public Service Company: 1.1 lbs.
* CoalEducation.org: 0.8 lbs. (big surprise that the coal industry claims the greatest efficiency)
Transmission and distribution losses are estimated to be 7.2%, so our adjusted figures would be 2.25, 1.18, and 0.86 lbs. per kWh respectively.
An average household uses around 920 kWh/mo. If they got all their electricity from burning coal, that’s 2070 to 791 pounds of coal per month.
(Incidentally, coal-fired plants are only 37-44% efficient at converting coal to electricity.)
The MINI-E has a 35 kWh battery pack but only 80% of the pack is usable which means it has 28kWh of available power. That 28kWh can move the car between 90 and 120 miles depending on how efficiently you drive. It is less in the winter months because the heater uses a lot of energy, but for most of the year these numbers are correct as an average.
Therefore: it takes up to 63 POUNDS of coal to go 90 miles!
hmmmmmmmm… I wonder what pollutes more…burning 63 lbs of coal or 3 gallons of gas?… hmmmmm…
* Dept. of Energy: 2.1 lbs.
* Arizona Public Service Company: 1.1 lbs.
* CoalEducation.org: 0.8 lbs. (big surprise that the coal industry claims the greatest efficiency)
Transmission and distribution losses are estimated to be 7.2%, so our adjusted figures would be 2.25, 1.18, and 0.86 lbs. per kWh respectively.
An average household uses around 920 kWh/mo. If they got all their electricity from burning coal, that’s 2070 to 791 pounds of coal per month.
(Incidentally, coal-fired plants are only 37-44% efficient at converting coal to electricity.)
The MINI-E has a 35 kWh battery pack but only 80% of the pack is usable which means it has 28kWh of available power. That 28kWh can move the car between 90 and 120 miles depending on how efficiently you drive. It is less in the winter months because the heater uses a lot of energy, but for most of the year these numbers are correct as an average.
Therefore: it takes up to 63 POUNDS of coal to go 90 miles!
hmmmmmmmm… I wonder what pollutes more…burning 63 lbs of coal or 3 gallons of gas?… hmmmmm…
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Fun Facts About the 50 States: Delaware
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, grab your pumpkin catapult, because we’re taking a trip to Delaware, so let’s get started…
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* Delaware is a small state located in the Northeastern US in the New England region. Which is much like Old England, except with fewer spam-loving Vikings.
* At it’s widest point, Delaware is 35 miles across, which means – in THEORY – that the state *could* contain Michael Moore’s ass.
* The world’s largest frying pan was built in Selbyville, Delaware, in 1950 for the DelMarVa Peninsula Annual Chicken Festival. It’s 10 feet across, holds 800 chicken quarters, and is the only reason Michael Moore might try to squeeze his ass into Delaware.
* Delaware was the first state to ratify the US constitution in 1787. This is why people from Delaware are always wearing big foam fingers and shouting “we’re #1!”
* Can’t blame ‘em, I guess. It’s not like they have any sports teams to get excited about. Although the ones who don’t read so well sometimes make a fuss over “their” basketball team the “Dover” Nuggets.
* Delaware shares a semi-circular border with Pennsylvania, which marks the perimeter of the area guarded by the official state pit bull that’s chained up in Wilmington.
* The official state bug of Delaware is the ladybug, an insect easily identified by its red back, black spots, and 6 tiny foam fingers.
* Delaware is the only state in the US without any national parks. They were all eliminated as part of the plea bargain after Smokey the Bear was indicted in Delaware on arson charges.
* Delaware is the second smallest state in the US. It actually WAS the smallest at one time, but then they gave the state Pit Bull another 10 feet of chain.
* Although the log cabin was invented in Delaware in 1645, only one log cabin remains intact today, the rest having been eaten by ladybugs.
* The state bird of Delaware is The Blue Hen chicken which is known for it fighting ability. During the Revolutionary war, a single Blue Hen once defeated an entire platoon of French soldiers.
* Unfortunately, the French were fighting on America’s side at the time, and it would’ve cost us the war if they hadn’t been rescued at the last second by a brigade of lady bugs.
* The first settlers arrived in Delaware 11 years after the arrival of the Mayflower, because the men in charge wouldn’t stop to ask for directions.
* The official state song of Delaware is “Our Delaware”, recorded by Chuck Berry in 1972.
* Wait… I’m thinking of “My Ding-a-Ling”. Nevermind.
* The highest point in Delaware is a mere 442 feet above sea level. Despite the lack of mountains, Delaware DOES actually have a ski resort, located 5 miles north of Munchkin City.
* The first permanent colony on Delaware soil was New Sweden, which quickly died out because none of the other colonists could understand a damn word they said.
* I mean, how were THEY supposed to know that “Vhee zee cuoorfa hooffa heemun!” meant “Help us! We’re starving!”?
* A common sight on Delaware beaches are horseshoe crabs and shuffleboard lobsters.
* Delaware’s official state colors are “Colonial blue” and “buff”, which is just completely gay.
* The Delaware Indians were the most advanced and civilized of all the tribes in America until the White Man came, gave them smallpox, and stole their oil.
* Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver, was born in Wilmington, Delaware. He developed his famous live-saving technique quite accidentally, while researching ways to sneak up behind people and punch them in stomach.
* Poodle Beach in Delaware was voted America’s Gayest Beach for 10 consecutive years. It’s annual Drag Queen volleyball competition attracts thousands of… Hey! Is that Tom Cruise?
* Sussex County, Delaware, is home to the annual Punkin’ Chunkin’ contest, where people use homemade catapults to throw pumpkins as far as they can. Prizes are awarded for distance, accuracy, and the pumpkin that most resembles Ted Kennedy’s fat head.
* Many residents of Delaware enjoy eating “scrapple”, a dish made from cornmeal mixed with pigs’ hearts, livers, snouts, tails, and other parts too disgusting to be eaten on their own. If you’re given the choice between eating scrapple fried or baked, choose suicide.
* Delaware does NOT charge a sales tax on consumer purchases. It DOES, however, tax the earnings of prostitutes, since that’s technically considered a “rental”.
* The test for a driver’s license in Delaware is to turn your car around without any part of it leaving the state.
* No one in Delaware has a driver’s license.
* During World War II, 12 concrete towers were built along the Delaware coastline so that observers could watch for the approach of German submarines. 1000 yards away. Underwater. In the dark.
* Why yes, it WAS a union job. How did you know?
______________
That wraps up the Delaware edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be wondering if that’s a leather coat that guy is wearing or if he’s just another senior citizen with a tan as we visit Florida.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go throw myself off a cliff so that I don’t have to eat this plate of scrapple.
This week, grab your pumpkin catapult, because we’re taking a trip to Delaware, so let’s get started…
______________
 |
* At it’s widest point, Delaware is 35 miles across, which means – in THEORY – that the state *could* contain Michael Moore’s ass.
* The world’s largest frying pan was built in Selbyville, Delaware, in 1950 for the DelMarVa Peninsula Annual Chicken Festival. It’s 10 feet across, holds 800 chicken quarters, and is the only reason Michael Moore might try to squeeze his ass into Delaware.
* Delaware was the first state to ratify the US constitution in 1787. This is why people from Delaware are always wearing big foam fingers and shouting “we’re #1!”
* Can’t blame ‘em, I guess. It’s not like they have any sports teams to get excited about. Although the ones who don’t read so well sometimes make a fuss over “their” basketball team the “Dover” Nuggets.
* Delaware shares a semi-circular border with Pennsylvania, which marks the perimeter of the area guarded by the official state pit bull that’s chained up in Wilmington.
* The official state bug of Delaware is the ladybug, an insect easily identified by its red back, black spots, and 6 tiny foam fingers.
* Delaware is the only state in the US without any national parks. They were all eliminated as part of the plea bargain after Smokey the Bear was indicted in Delaware on arson charges.
* Delaware is the second smallest state in the US. It actually WAS the smallest at one time, but then they gave the state Pit Bull another 10 feet of chain.
* Although the log cabin was invented in Delaware in 1645, only one log cabin remains intact today, the rest having been eaten by ladybugs.
* The state bird of Delaware is The Blue Hen chicken which is known for it fighting ability. During the Revolutionary war, a single Blue Hen once defeated an entire platoon of French soldiers.
* Unfortunately, the French were fighting on America’s side at the time, and it would’ve cost us the war if they hadn’t been rescued at the last second by a brigade of lady bugs.
* The first settlers arrived in Delaware 11 years after the arrival of the Mayflower, because the men in charge wouldn’t stop to ask for directions.
* The official state song of Delaware is “Our Delaware”, recorded by Chuck Berry in 1972.
* Wait… I’m thinking of “My Ding-a-Ling”. Nevermind.
* The highest point in Delaware is a mere 442 feet above sea level. Despite the lack of mountains, Delaware DOES actually have a ski resort, located 5 miles north of Munchkin City.
* The first permanent colony on Delaware soil was New Sweden, which quickly died out because none of the other colonists could understand a damn word they said.
* I mean, how were THEY supposed to know that “Vhee zee cuoorfa hooffa heemun!” meant “Help us! We’re starving!”?
* A common sight on Delaware beaches are horseshoe crabs and shuffleboard lobsters.
* Delaware’s official state colors are “Colonial blue” and “buff”, which is just completely gay.
* The Delaware Indians were the most advanced and civilized of all the tribes in America until the White Man came, gave them smallpox, and stole their oil.
* Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver, was born in Wilmington, Delaware. He developed his famous live-saving technique quite accidentally, while researching ways to sneak up behind people and punch them in stomach.
* Poodle Beach in Delaware was voted America’s Gayest Beach for 10 consecutive years. It’s annual Drag Queen volleyball competition attracts thousands of… Hey! Is that Tom Cruise?
* Sussex County, Delaware, is home to the annual Punkin’ Chunkin’ contest, where people use homemade catapults to throw pumpkins as far as they can. Prizes are awarded for distance, accuracy, and the pumpkin that most resembles Ted Kennedy’s fat head.
* Many residents of Delaware enjoy eating “scrapple”, a dish made from cornmeal mixed with pigs’ hearts, livers, snouts, tails, and other parts too disgusting to be eaten on their own. If you’re given the choice between eating scrapple fried or baked, choose suicide.
* Delaware does NOT charge a sales tax on consumer purchases. It DOES, however, tax the earnings of prostitutes, since that’s technically considered a “rental”.
* The test for a driver’s license in Delaware is to turn your car around without any part of it leaving the state.
* No one in Delaware has a driver’s license.
* During World War II, 12 concrete towers were built along the Delaware coastline so that observers could watch for the approach of German submarines. 1000 yards away. Underwater. In the dark.
* Why yes, it WAS a union job. How did you know?
______________
That wraps up the Delaware edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be wondering if that’s a leather coat that guy is wearing or if he’s just another senior citizen with a tan as we visit Florida.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go throw myself off a cliff so that I don’t have to eat this plate of scrapple.
Friday, June 29, 2012
The true impact of the Obamacare decision
Do Americans – do YOU -- really understand the gravity of what happened in the Supreme Court yesterday? Do you have any idea at all how the power of the Imperial Federal Government of the United States has been exponentially increased?
Answer? NO .. you probably don’t. You really can’t be faulted for that, I guess. After all, our wonderful government school system was designed to educate you, but only to the point that you don’t become a threat to your political rulers. The American people are a product of those schools, and the American people are, by and large, acting in the manner proscribed by those who “educated” them.
I spent the better part of yesterday listening to various pundits and reading blogs and columns about the ObamaCare decision. I think a lot of people are missing something here; missing something very important. The Court’s ruling on ObamaCare grants the Congress of the United States the power to command virtually any action – any action that would not in and of itself constitute a crime – of any individual in this country, and to demand compliance with that command or be penalized. The federal government can now regulate virtually any human activity in which you wish to engage, and to regulate whether or not you will be allowed to refuse to participate in that activity, so long as a penalty is attached to your noncompliance.
Perhaps I’m not making my point here; so let me try some scenarios:
Let’s say that you are not a homeowner, but you are wealthy enough to purchase a home if you wished to. Arguably, under today’s ruling the government could force you to purchase that new home. This the government could do in order to promote job creation in the construction industry, and it would be perfectly constitutional so long as a penalty is assessed for your non-compliance. The government would merely say that you are being taxed for your decision not to buy a new home, and our Supreme Court would uphold the law as a bona fide exercise of the government’s taxing power.
The government wants you to change your profession … move to another state … buy more cotton clothing … purchase an American-made car … own no less than a dozen pair of American-made shoes … limit your stock purchases to only unionized companies … put solar panels on your roof … perhaps even start watching MSNBC for a minimum of one hour every night. All of this the government might well be able to do so long as a penalty is levied for your failure to comply with the government directive. The penalty would, of course, be nothing more than a tax, and the regulatory requirement would merely be the government exercising its taxing power. Well … the watching MSNBC requirement might violate the 8th Amendment. They’ll just have to work around that one.
Remember when some reporter asked Nancy Pelosi if the individual mandate was constitutional? Her reply? “Are you serious? Are you serious?” Now she can simply say “Taxing authority, bub. Taxing authority.”
This is a sad day indeed for our Constitution. The Supreme Court has ruled that Obama’s insurance mandate is unconstitutional under the Commerce Clause and the Necessary and Proper Clause. It’s perfectly fine, though, since there’s a fine for non-compliance.
Sit back now and try to imagine anything the federal government cannot require of you – just so long as there is a penalty – a tax -- if you say “no."
Answer? NO .. you probably don’t. You really can’t be faulted for that, I guess. After all, our wonderful government school system was designed to educate you, but only to the point that you don’t become a threat to your political rulers. The American people are a product of those schools, and the American people are, by and large, acting in the manner proscribed by those who “educated” them.
I spent the better part of yesterday listening to various pundits and reading blogs and columns about the ObamaCare decision. I think a lot of people are missing something here; missing something very important. The Court’s ruling on ObamaCare grants the Congress of the United States the power to command virtually any action – any action that would not in and of itself constitute a crime – of any individual in this country, and to demand compliance with that command or be penalized. The federal government can now regulate virtually any human activity in which you wish to engage, and to regulate whether or not you will be allowed to refuse to participate in that activity, so long as a penalty is attached to your noncompliance.
Perhaps I’m not making my point here; so let me try some scenarios:
Let’s say that you are not a homeowner, but you are wealthy enough to purchase a home if you wished to. Arguably, under today’s ruling the government could force you to purchase that new home. This the government could do in order to promote job creation in the construction industry, and it would be perfectly constitutional so long as a penalty is assessed for your non-compliance. The government would merely say that you are being taxed for your decision not to buy a new home, and our Supreme Court would uphold the law as a bona fide exercise of the government’s taxing power.
The government wants you to change your profession … move to another state … buy more cotton clothing … purchase an American-made car … own no less than a dozen pair of American-made shoes … limit your stock purchases to only unionized companies … put solar panels on your roof … perhaps even start watching MSNBC for a minimum of one hour every night. All of this the government might well be able to do so long as a penalty is levied for your failure to comply with the government directive. The penalty would, of course, be nothing more than a tax, and the regulatory requirement would merely be the government exercising its taxing power. Well … the watching MSNBC requirement might violate the 8th Amendment. They’ll just have to work around that one.
Remember when some reporter asked Nancy Pelosi if the individual mandate was constitutional? Her reply? “Are you serious? Are you serious?” Now she can simply say “Taxing authority, bub. Taxing authority.”
This is a sad day indeed for our Constitution. The Supreme Court has ruled that Obama’s insurance mandate is unconstitutional under the Commerce Clause and the Necessary and Proper Clause. It’s perfectly fine, though, since there’s a fine for non-compliance.
Sit back now and try to imagine anything the federal government cannot require of you – just so long as there is a penalty – a tax -- if you say “no."
10 Reasons Why Jimmy Carter Was More Kick-Ass Than President Obama
So when I read that Carter was busting Obama’s chops over using drones to kill terrorists – one of the few things Obama’s done right in office – I wanted to bash Mr. Peanut right in the monocle.
But then I thought about it & decided to let it slide because I realized that – big picture – Carter was actually a better President than Obama:
______________
1) Jimmy Carter lusted after women in his heart. The women Obama lusted after were composites.
2) Jimmy Carter successfully fought off a rabbit, which is several rungs up the evolutionary ladder from any fly Obama managed to beat up.
3) Jimmy Carter’s ineptitude brought us the greatest President of the 20th century, Ronald Reagan. From Obama’s ineptitude, we MIGHT get the greatest President of the 21st century who was named after a piece of baseball equipment.
4) Jimmy Carter let the Shah of Iran into the US for medical treatment, because the Shah was, so to speak, “our bastard“. Obama wants you to pay for Sandra Fluke’s contraception so that she doesn’t have any bastards.
5) Jimmy Carter grew peanuts on a farm. Obama grew mortgages underwater.
6) Jimmy Carter gave all the land around the Panama Canal to the people of Panama. Obama gave all the land north of the Rio Grande to the people of Mexico.
7) Jimmy Carter gave the Russians the horrifying threat of nuclear armageddon. Obama gave the Russians a misspelled red plastic novelty button.
8) As a boy, Jimmy Carter loved his dog, Bozo. As a boy, Obama loved his dog al dente.
9) Jimmy Carter had a brother, who successfully launched his own brand of beer. Obama had a beer summit. Oh, brother.
10) Jimmy Carter asked the Secret Service to keep his brother away. Obama asked the Secret Service to keep away from brothels.
______________
And, of course, the Navy honored Jimmy Carter by naming a submarine after him. Obama honored the Navy by stealing credit after the SEALs got bin Laden.
But then I thought about it & decided to let it slide because I realized that – big picture – Carter was actually a better President than Obama:
______________
 |
2) Jimmy Carter successfully fought off a rabbit, which is several rungs up the evolutionary ladder from any fly Obama managed to beat up.
3) Jimmy Carter’s ineptitude brought us the greatest President of the 20th century, Ronald Reagan. From Obama’s ineptitude, we MIGHT get the greatest President of the 21st century who was named after a piece of baseball equipment.
4) Jimmy Carter let the Shah of Iran into the US for medical treatment, because the Shah was, so to speak, “our bastard“. Obama wants you to pay for Sandra Fluke’s contraception so that she doesn’t have any bastards.
5) Jimmy Carter grew peanuts on a farm. Obama grew mortgages underwater.
6) Jimmy Carter gave all the land around the Panama Canal to the people of Panama. Obama gave all the land north of the Rio Grande to the people of Mexico.
7) Jimmy Carter gave the Russians the horrifying threat of nuclear armageddon. Obama gave the Russians a misspelled red plastic novelty button.
8) As a boy, Jimmy Carter loved his dog, Bozo. As a boy, Obama loved his dog al dente.
9) Jimmy Carter had a brother, who successfully launched his own brand of beer. Obama had a beer summit. Oh, brother.
10) Jimmy Carter asked the Secret Service to keep his brother away. Obama asked the Secret Service to keep away from brothels.
______________
And, of course, the Navy honored Jimmy Carter by naming a submarine after him. Obama honored the Navy by stealing credit after the SEALs got bin Laden.
10 Things Besides the Health Care Law We Should Name After Obama
SCOTUS ruled that the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is constitutional. It’s a terrible law, and everyone, including the President, calls it “Obamacare.”
So… what else should be named after him?
______________
1) The next dinosaur to be discovered in a communist country.
2) That one part of the toilet that never seems to work right and is a huge, messy pain in the ass to fix? I call it the “Obama valve”
3) Any sewage treatment plant that received stimulus funds.
4) Remember how they powered Thunderdome? That fuel should be called “Obamanol”.
5) That little piece of wood the Speaker of the House whacks his gavel on.
6) The next ship taken out of mothballs to be used as a target during wargames. [High Praise! to Ogrrre]
7) When the House re-introduces and re-passes the “Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act“, just call it the “Obamacare Sucks Act” this time.
8) Any spot on your back that really itches that you just can’t reach that eventually turns into a malignant melanoma.
9) A generic term that encompasses both the liquid and solid contents of a litter box.
10) The act of walking barefoot to the bathroom in the middle of the night without turning on the light and stepping on a stray Lego piece.
______________
Regardless of what gets named after Obama in the future, rest assured that from now own, every time I say his name, it will be with that distinctive Samuel-L-Jacksonian tone and emphasis that would make a call-screener scramble desperately for the bleep-button out of sheer reflex, subconsciously convinced that I’d just uttered a particularly foul obscenity on the air.
So… what else should be named after him?
______________
 |
2) That one part of the toilet that never seems to work right and is a huge, messy pain in the ass to fix? I call it the “Obama valve”
3) Any sewage treatment plant that received stimulus funds.
4) Remember how they powered Thunderdome? That fuel should be called “Obamanol”.
5) That little piece of wood the Speaker of the House whacks his gavel on.
6) The next ship taken out of mothballs to be used as a target during wargames. [High Praise! to Ogrrre]
7) When the House re-introduces and re-passes the “Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act“, just call it the “Obamacare Sucks Act” this time.
8) Any spot on your back that really itches that you just can’t reach that eventually turns into a malignant melanoma.
9) A generic term that encompasses both the liquid and solid contents of a litter box.
10) The act of walking barefoot to the bathroom in the middle of the night without turning on the light and stepping on a stray Lego piece.
______________
Regardless of what gets named after Obama in the future, rest assured that from now own, every time I say his name, it will be with that distinctive Samuel-L-Jacksonian tone and emphasis that would make a call-screener scramble desperately for the bleep-button out of sheer reflex, subconsciously convinced that I’d just uttered a particularly foul obscenity on the air.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Fun Facts About the 50 States: Connecticut
Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, it’s time to do a little digging into where all those Yankees in King Arthur’s Court keep coming from as we visit Connecticut, so let’s get started…
______________
* Connecticut is a small state in the northeastern US and is best known for being the place that beer cans land after New Yorkers throw them out of their car windows.
* The highest point in Connecticut is Mt. Frissel, at 2380 feet, which is where Connecticut residents go to throw the empty beer cans back into New York.
* Connecticut has only 2 interstate highways, neither of which gets you out of the state fast enough.
* Connecticut is an Algonquin Indian word meaning “yuppie scum”.
* Although Connecticut borders Massachusetts, no Kennedys live there because Connecticut liquor stores all close at 8pm.
* Many areas of Connecticut are plagued by foraging herds of white tail deer that destroy crops and gardens. The only way for residents to keep the deer at bay is pay “protection money” to Don Bambi, head of the deer mafia.
* The New England Patriots football team almost moved to Hartford, Connecticut, but declined to do so because the deal included renaming the team to the Hartford Homos.
* The fuchsia & chartreuse uniforms WERE tempting, though.
* The official insect of Connecticut is the Praying Mantis – an obvious violation of the separation of church and state.
* Connecticut is populated mainly by people who couldn’t decide whether they wanted to live further away from Boston or New York City.
* Connecticut is called the “nutmeg” state” because the early Connecticut colonists would sell fake nutmegs to unsuspecting tourists. This is somewhat analogous to referring to the Kennedys as the “designated driver family”.
* The state motto of Connecticut is “As close to New York as New Jersey is, but with less toxic waste.”
* In terms of distance, Connecticut is the closest state in the US to France, which is why most people in Connecticut face east when they spit.
* George W. Bush was born in New Haven, Connecticut on July 6, 1946, but moved to Texas as a teenager to pursue his dream of stealing oil.
* Although Connecticut ranks 48th among the states in terms of size, it ranks a close second behind Massachusetts in terms of snooty, upper-class arrogance.
* Connecticut become the 5th state on January 9th, 1788. It would’ve joined sooner, but everyone was out skiing in Vermont.
* Despite the state’s small size, it DOES have a state college – the University of Connecticut or UCONN – which should NOT be confused with the popular rat poison.
* The state flag of Connecticut consists of a blue background, a white shield, 3 grapevines, and a Latin motto meaning “He who transplanted sustains us”. Officially, it refers to early colonists coming in from Boston, but that doesn’t explain the large number of tourists who wake up in a tub of ice, missing a kidney.
* The official state song of Connecticut is Yankee Doodle, which was originally written in 1750 to honor the official state pasta.
* Being a small state, Connecticut has only one radio station, which plays nothing but different versions of Yankee Doodle 24 hours a day. The most popular being Snoop Dogg’s “Yo Yo Yizzle Dizzle”.
* The world’s first nuclear submarine, the USS Nautilus, was built in Groton, Connecticut in 1954, after which it turned on its creators and went on a fearsome, building-destroying rampage through the city.
* The practice of branding farm animals began in Connecticut, where farmers were required by law to mark their pigs, which is why Michael Moore will never visit the state.
* The Hartford Courant, established in 1764, is America’s oldest newspaper. A glance through some of the earliest editions shows that, even back then, Doonesbury wasn’t funny.
* Seriously, when is Trudeau gonna stop recycling that “Thomas Paine lied, people died” line?
* The Polaroid camera was invented in Connecticut in 1934. Blackmailing people with compromising photographs was invented about 60 seconds later.
* The first English settlers arrived in Hartford in 1636 and were tricked into staying in the area by settlers from Boston who promised them that the Patriots would move there “any day now”.
______________
That wraps up the Connecticut edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll discover that crossing the river wearing a tri-cornered hat actually had nothing to do with the state as we look at Delaware.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go step on a Praying Mantis to protect my freedom of religion.
This week, it’s time to do a little digging into where all those Yankees in King Arthur’s Court keep coming from as we visit Connecticut, so let’s get started…
______________
 |
* The highest point in Connecticut is Mt. Frissel, at 2380 feet, which is where Connecticut residents go to throw the empty beer cans back into New York.
* Connecticut has only 2 interstate highways, neither of which gets you out of the state fast enough.
* Connecticut is an Algonquin Indian word meaning “yuppie scum”.
* Although Connecticut borders Massachusetts, no Kennedys live there because Connecticut liquor stores all close at 8pm.
* Many areas of Connecticut are plagued by foraging herds of white tail deer that destroy crops and gardens. The only way for residents to keep the deer at bay is pay “protection money” to Don Bambi, head of the deer mafia.
* The New England Patriots football team almost moved to Hartford, Connecticut, but declined to do so because the deal included renaming the team to the Hartford Homos.
* The fuchsia & chartreuse uniforms WERE tempting, though.
* The official insect of Connecticut is the Praying Mantis – an obvious violation of the separation of church and state.
* Connecticut is populated mainly by people who couldn’t decide whether they wanted to live further away from Boston or New York City.
* Connecticut is called the “nutmeg” state” because the early Connecticut colonists would sell fake nutmegs to unsuspecting tourists. This is somewhat analogous to referring to the Kennedys as the “designated driver family”.
* The state motto of Connecticut is “As close to New York as New Jersey is, but with less toxic waste.”
* In terms of distance, Connecticut is the closest state in the US to France, which is why most people in Connecticut face east when they spit.
* George W. Bush was born in New Haven, Connecticut on July 6, 1946, but moved to Texas as a teenager to pursue his dream of stealing oil.
* Although Connecticut ranks 48th among the states in terms of size, it ranks a close second behind Massachusetts in terms of snooty, upper-class arrogance.
* Connecticut become the 5th state on January 9th, 1788. It would’ve joined sooner, but everyone was out skiing in Vermont.
* Despite the state’s small size, it DOES have a state college – the University of Connecticut or UCONN – which should NOT be confused with the popular rat poison.
* The state flag of Connecticut consists of a blue background, a white shield, 3 grapevines, and a Latin motto meaning “He who transplanted sustains us”. Officially, it refers to early colonists coming in from Boston, but that doesn’t explain the large number of tourists who wake up in a tub of ice, missing a kidney.
* The official state song of Connecticut is Yankee Doodle, which was originally written in 1750 to honor the official state pasta.
* Being a small state, Connecticut has only one radio station, which plays nothing but different versions of Yankee Doodle 24 hours a day. The most popular being Snoop Dogg’s “Yo Yo Yizzle Dizzle”.
* The world’s first nuclear submarine, the USS Nautilus, was built in Groton, Connecticut in 1954, after which it turned on its creators and went on a fearsome, building-destroying rampage through the city.
* The practice of branding farm animals began in Connecticut, where farmers were required by law to mark their pigs, which is why Michael Moore will never visit the state.
* The Hartford Courant, established in 1764, is America’s oldest newspaper. A glance through some of the earliest editions shows that, even back then, Doonesbury wasn’t funny.
* Seriously, when is Trudeau gonna stop recycling that “Thomas Paine lied, people died” line?
* The Polaroid camera was invented in Connecticut in 1934. Blackmailing people with compromising photographs was invented about 60 seconds later.
* The first English settlers arrived in Hartford in 1636 and were tricked into staying in the area by settlers from Boston who promised them that the Patriots would move there “any day now”.
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That wraps up the Connecticut edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll discover that crossing the river wearing a tri-cornered hat actually had nothing to do with the state as we look at Delaware.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go step on a Praying Mantis to protect my freedom of religion.
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