10 Possible Uses of Executive Privilege

President Obama is now claiming he doesn’t have to turn over Fast & Furious-related documents to Congress, citing “executive privilege” – sort of a presidential “get out of jail free” card that lets him do anything he wants.
I guess protecting your porch-snoozing watchdog of an Attorney General from the lengthy jail sentence he so richly deserves is a good reason to use it.
But why stop there?
Here’s some other situations he might be able to escape using Executive Privilege
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“Got any jacks? – EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE!”

1) When accused of providing unaccountable odoriffic elevator flatus
2) Missed a 2-inch putt (previously known as a “Mulligan”)
3) Michelle’s tofu stew? Pfft! Off to Ray’s HellBurger for the Triple Bacon Executive Privilege special.
4) Reporter asks anything besides “After inheriting Bush’s economic mess and turning it into 7 million new jobs, how can you possibly get more awesome?”
5) Can’t figure out how to operate the self-serve touchpad at Wawa’s.
6) Burly Chinese guy with a crooked nose and forearms like hamhocks at the door saying “Mr. Hu requests his money.”
7) Michelle asks “does this dress make me look fat?” and you already shouted “YES!” because you weren’t listening and the Heat just won Game 2.
8) Damn bitter clingers find out you called them bitter clingers.
9) Morning after the bachelor party, and you can’t for the life of you remember where in Vegas you left the groom.
10) Unemployment still not below the 8% you promised your stimulus would never let it rise above.
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Oh, and 57 states, Cominskey Field, Intercontinental Railroad, digging your way out this hole, like the Special Olympics, and corspe-men.

Surprise! Obama Obviously Didn’t Think This Through

Executive Orders that President Romney can and should write.

10. Eradicate all restrictions on oil drilling on federal lands - order the Department of the Interior to cease enforcement activity preventing oil and gas exploration and drilling on federal lands.

9. Restrict distribution of food stamps to only the bottom 3 percent of U.S. citizens ranked by income - order the Agriculture Department to reduce distribution of food stamps to only legal citizens whose tax returns indicate that they are in the bottom 3 percent of wage-earners in the country.

8. Strip all minimum fuel efficiency standards for automakers - order the Department of Transportation to cease enforcement of all CAFE standards.

7. Kill the Estate Tax - order the IRS to cease enforcement of penalties related to non-payment of Estate Taxes.

6. Not enforce 'Financial Reform' - instruct the Treasury Department and other regulators to cease all fines, levies, and regulations related to the controversial Dodd-Frank legislation.

5. Strip federal payments to teachers' unions - order the Department of Education to cease any activities that provide funds that could help pay teachers' salaries and, thus, union dues.

4. Eradicate the Capital Gains Tax - order the IRS not to prosecute anyone who fails to pay Capital Gains taxes.

3. Render the EPA toothless - order the EPA to cease all enforcement activities.

2. Implement a Flat Tax - order the IRS not to prosecute anyone who fails to pay more than an 18 percent tax rate.

1. Eradicate Obamacare - order HHS to cease implementation of all facets of the unpopular law.

See, libs -- ain't this newly created Executive Branch power awesome?

15 FUN FACTS ABOUT FATHER'S DAY

Time once again to honor fathers everywhere and celebrate fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society.
Since you’re probably not familiar with the holiday, allow me to enlighten you:
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Typical American Father’s Day celebration.

1) Father’s Day was invented in 1909 by Sonora Dodd who got the idea while listening to a Mother’s Day sermon, during which she realized that that her own father – a widower farmer left alone to raise his six kids – deserved more crappy neckties.
2) There are an estimated 70 million fathers in the United States, all of whom own single-handled ceramic proof that they are the country’s #1 Dad.
3) The first presidential proclamation honoring fathers was issued in 1966 when President Lyndon Johnson designated the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day, figuring if he couldn’t get away to play golf, why should anyone else?
4) Father’s Day in America has been officially celebrated annually since 1972 when President Richard Nixon signed the public law that made it permanent, which explains the traditional “Father’s Day 18 Minutes of Silence.”
5) Worst Father’s Day gift ever: watching your son get Force Lightninged by your boss.
6) The most popular Internet search connected to the day is “Father’s Day crafts,” which, surprisingly, is the only Google image search that will not return pictures of frolicking lesbians.
7) The official Father’s Day flower is the rose, which most men consider the perfect gift as long as it’s sticking out of the chuck of a DeWalt cordless drill.
8) In Australia, Father’s Day is celebrated on the first Sunday in September. Traditionally, Australian fathers spend the day killing crocodiles with their bare hands. Much like every day in Australia.
9) Nearly 95 million Father’s Day cards were given last year in the United States, making Father’s Day the fourth-largest card-sending occasion. All theses card together could fill a 1-acre hole that’s 100 feet deep. The Monday after Father’s Day, they usually do.
10) Sons and daughters send 50% of the Father’s Day cards. 30% are purchased by wives for their husbands. The other 20% are handed to unsuspecting men by women during a pause after they’ve just said “Guess what?”
11) Scientific research proves that the best gift for Father’s Day is to buy Dad a bucket of golf balls. Then dump out the golf balls and fill the bucket with steak.
12) Aftershave is a very popular Father’s Day gift. Look for the kind with the little ship on the bottle that says “Cutty Sark.”
13) There are more collect calls on Father’s Day than any other day of the year. Usually from fathers who got too drunk at a strip club and need bail money.
14) Hallmark produces over 800 card designs for Father’s Day, none of which will bring your father the same joy as receiving a subscription to Playboy, since Hallmark Cards lack insightful articles.
15) Although some people say it’s hard to find the perfect Father’s Day gift, you’ll be safe if your gift either runs on electricity, burns, or explodes. Try not to combine these.

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time to shakes the snakes out of your hiking boots as we traipse the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, so let’s get started…
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Colorado’s flag consists of a field of horizontal blue and white stripes, with a red letter C in the middle. The inside of the C is colored yellow as a warning to tourists that not all snow is edible.

* Colorado is a large state in the West-central US that has spent the last century battling Wyoming for the coveted title of “Most Rectangular State”.
* Although people from Colorado have no distinctive accent, they can still be easily recognized by the fact that, when they say “Coors”, they don’t grimace.
* The state of Colorado has an average elevation of 7000 feet above sea level, which, technically, makes its citizens space aliens.
* The most common cause of death in Colorado is being struck by low-flying satellites.
* Due to its high altitude, water in Colorado boils at a much lower temperature than at sea level, which is why joggers there frequently evaporate into clouds of steam.
* Despite the impression given by a certain animated TV show, South Park, Colorado is NOT actually a real city. If you don’t believe me, you can [CENSORED] my [CENSORED] you [CENSORED].
* Skiing in Aspen, Colorado is both a popular tourist attraction and an effective way to kill a Kennedy without wasting a perfectly good bullet.
* Colorado hopes to use the sport of Whitewater Rafting to take out a Baldwin sometime in the next year or so.
* The state motto of Colorado is “Wanna buy a slightly used life-jacket for cheap?”
* The cheeseburger was invented in Denver in 1935, which is why Michael Moore bows down in the direction of the city five times a day.
* Annoyed by the millions of misdirected Valentines that arrive at their post office every year, the citizens of Loveland, Colorado will soon be holding a referendum to change the city’s name. Options include Bitterdivorceland, PMSington, and Hillaryville.
* Denver is home to the world’s largest rodeo. While it’s in progress, the city has nearly as many men dressed in leather chaps as San Francisco.
* This does NOT make them gay, although they ARE flattered, and possibly a little curious.
* There are over 200 parks in the city of Denver, which are filled with hiking trails, petting zoos, and angry tourists whose flights out of the city were canceled due to sudden snowstorms.
* Zebulon Pike, of Pike’s Peak fame, was never actually on top of the object which bears his name, but he DID bring it to the nation’s attention by mentioning it frequently. Not unlike Kim Kardashian constantly reminding us that she’s really, really famous for… something.
* Colorado is the most dangerous state through which to fly and airplane, due to the risk of being hit by cattle that accidentally fall off moutainsides while grazing.
* The city of Dove Creek, Colorado is the “Pinto Bean Capital of the World”. Coincidentally, the nearby city of Cortez is the “Air Freshener Capital of the World”.
* Mesa Verde, Colorado is home to an abandoned Indian city made up of buildings carved directly into the cliffs. No one knows exactly what happened to the residents, although they may have been eaten by the Donner Party.
* Colorado became the 38th state on August 1st, 1876, a fact celebrated by no one at the time, since everybody was still too hung over from celebrating America’s Centennial.
* Famous horror movie actor Lon Chaney was born in Colorado Springs. He moved to Hollywood in 1902 after a mob of angry villagers chased him out of the state.
* The state insect of Colorado is the tick, which is highly prized by locals because telling a girl that you want to check her for ticks is a great excuse for getting her clothes off.
* The Square Dance was named Colorado’s state dance in 1992, narrowly beating out the Achy-Breaky and the Dougie
* Colorado’s state dinosaur is the stegosaurus, which has been extinct since 1997, when the last one died from being hit by a Kennedy while skiing in Aspen.
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That wraps up the Colorado edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be getting punched in the face by the natives for pronouncing the second “c” in Connecticut.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go bow down towards Denver… mmmm… cheeseburgers…

Affirmative Action stupidity: White teen gives back scholarship intended for Black students

There is so much wrong with this story that I don't know where to start.
Jeffrey Warren is about to graduate from Martin Luther King High School in Riverside, CA. He applied for a scholarship offered by the Martin Luther King Senior Citizens Club.
He won.
Then he found out the scholarship was intended solely for Black students.
Jeffrey is white.
He gave the scholarship back.
Apparently the application said only that African-Americans were encouraged to apply. But a cover letter, which Jeffrey did not see, explicity specified it was for Black students.
Go ahead, tell me that's not racism.
Because can you imagine the uproar if a Black kid won a scholarship and then found out that only red-headed Armenians were eligible?
Would he give it back? Would Al Sharpton let him give it back?
So get this. Next year the scholarship committee is going to change the application form. To make it more clear that only Blacks need apply. So kids like Jeffrey won't waste their time trying to achieve something on the antiquated notion of merit.
Yeah, the last thing we want is to have the children who attend Martin Luther King High School being judged on the content of their character rather than on the color of their skin.

15 fun facts about flag day

Although most people know today is Flag Day (except for hippies and people who use Google as their home page – nice no-doodle, commies!), not everyone is fully up to speed on the wonderousness that is the American flag.
Good thing you’ve got me around to upgrade your sub-standard knowledge base:
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Much like being struck down by Darth Vader, if an American flag bites you, you shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

1) The American flag was invented in 1777 by Betsy Ross. At the time, the flag of the fledgling nation had only 13 stars because the rich wouldn’t pay their fair share to buy more.
2) America is the only country that’s ever changed its flag voluntarily, instead of being forced to change after being conquered by maple leaves like a bunch of cowardly weaklings [*looks north, spits*]
3) In 1795, flag designers intended to put extra stripes (alternating red and white) for each new state. The futility of this plan was pointed out in Benjamin Franklin’s satirical picture book, “Where’s Flagdo?”
4) Even after the South seceded from the Union, President Lincoln would not allow any star to be removed from the American flag, although he briefly considered replacing Confederate state stars with bright orange 1969 Dodge Chargers with “01″ door decals.
5) The current 50-star version of the American flag has remained unchanged for 52 years now, the longest of any design. We will never have a 51st state, since 3 rows of 17 stars would just look dumb.
6) In a fight between an American flag and Aquaman, a DC Comics writer would get repeatedly punched in the face for coming up with yet another stupid, unpatriotic plot line.
7) The colors of the American flag each have their own meaning. Red is for Valor, white is for Purity, and blue is for Justice. Most true Americans, however, agree that there is an invisible fourth color called “Sfik,” which represents how much better America is than other countries.
8) When displaying an American flag, it should always be lighted. Acceptable light sources include sunlight, halogen bulbs, and rockets’ red glare.
9) When folded properly, the American flag is shaped like a triangle with only the stars showing. Folded improperly, the only stars you can see are the ones around your head after you get the beating you so righteously deserve for screwing it up.
10) When an honor-worthy American dies, the flag is lowered to half-staff out of respect. When President Obama dies, expect to see a week of nationwide double-staffing.
11) It’s generally considered unpatriotic to buy an American flag unless it’s actually made in America. However it really doesn’t matter where the flag was originally made, as long as it eventually flies over the bullet-riddled corpses of our enemies.
12) While the French flag has the same colors as the American flag, it is still deemed technically inferior, since they only ever actually use the white part.
13) The only time you should burn an American flag is when it can’t be fixed or if becomes dirty beyond cleaning. For example, when it has touched the ground or a hippy.
14) A common nickname for the American flag is “Old Glory.” Ditto Gloria Steinem.
15) Although most American flags are made from cotton, scientists agree that the best American flags are made from the bark of the Tree of Liberty, the roots of which must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants.

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION: Obama has signed 923 Executive Orders in 40 months!

What did Congress do in those 40 months?

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 10990 allows the government to take over all modes of transportation and control of highways and seaports.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 10995 allows the government to seize and control the communication media.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 10997 allows the government to take over all electrical power, gas, petroleum, fuels and minerals.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 10998 allows the government to take over all food resources and farms.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11000 allows the government to mobilize civilians into work brigades under government supervision.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11001 allows the government to take over all health, education and welfare functions.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11002 designates theof all persons. Postmaster General to operate a national registration

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11003 allows the government to take over all airports and aircraft, including commercial aircraft.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11004 allows the Housing and Finance Authority to relocate communities, build new housing with public funds, designate areas to be abandoned, and establish new locations for populations.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11005 allows the government to take over railroads, inland waterways and public storage facilities.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11049 assigns emergency preparedness function to federal departments and agencies, consolidating 21 operative Executive Orders issued over a fifteen year period.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11051 specifies the responsibility of the Office of Emergency Planning and gives authorization to put all Executive Orders into effect in times of increased international tensions and economic or financial crisis.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11310 grants authority to the Department of Justice to enforce the plans set out in Executive Orders, to institute industrial support, to establish judicial and legislative liaison, to control all aliens, to operate penal and correctional institutions, and to advise and assist the President.

-EXECUTIVE ORDER 11921 allows the Federal Emergency Preparedness Agency to develop plans to establish control over the mechanisms of production and distribution, of energy sources, wages, salaries, credit and the flow of money in U.S. financial institution in any undefined national emergency. It also provides that when a state of emergency is declared by the President, Congress cannot review the action for six months.

Feel free to verify the “executive orders” at will… and these are just the major ones…

I’m sure you’ve all heard the tale of the “Frog in the Pot”… you all comfortable???

Watch Obama’s actions, not his words! By his actions he will show you where America is headed.

When it comes to Barack Obama, one of the most important things to understand is that he is a committed globalist. He firmly believes that more “global governance” (the elite don’t like to use the term “global government”) will make the world a much better place. Throughout his time in the White House, Obama has consistently sought to strengthen international institutions such as the UN, the IMF, the World Bank and the WTO. At every turn, Obama has endeavored to more fully integrate America into the “global community”. Since he was elected, Obama has signed a whole host of new international economic agreements. He regularly speaks of the need for “cooperation” among global religions and he has hosted a wide variety of different religious celebrations at the White House. Obama once stated that “all nations must come together to build a stronger global regime”. If you do not want to live in a “global regime” that is just too bad. To globalists such as Obama, it is inevitable that the United States of America will be merged into the emerging global system. Just this week, Obama has issued a new executive order that seeks to “harmonize” U.S. economic regulations with the rest of the world. This new executive order is yet another incremental step that is pushing us closer to a North American Union and a one world economic system. Unfortunately, most Americans have absolutely no idea what is happening.