MUSLIMS RIOT OVER IMPROPER DISPOSAL OF CRAPPY KORANS

Thousand of Muslims in Afghanistan continue to riot after Afghan laborers found charred copies of the Koran while collecting rubbish at Bagram Airbase.
In an effort to prevent this type of situation from happening again, non-Muslims are asked to observe the following Islamic rules for proper Koran disposal:

• Never burn the Koran on the ground - this is considered an insult to the Islamic faith. Always burn the Koran on a plate or in a receptacle.
• Always burn the Koran by itself or with the Hadith - never with other rubbish.
• When disposing of the Koran in a toilet be careful to not defecate on the sacred book as it is forbidden. Urinating on the Koran is acceptable, but only if you have not been drinking alcohol.
• When using a discarded Koran as an absorbent in a cat box, the above rules don't apply, as the sacred text has no meaning for cats, and they have little control over where they poop.
• Never cook hot dogs over a burning Koran unless they are 100% beef.
• When using discarded pages from the Koran as Kleenex, do not allow snot to touch the name Mohammad, as it is sacred.
• If using a discarded Koran for target practice, make sure the bullets have not been in contact with pork products or a Jew.