Fun Facts About the 50 States: Nevada

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we’ll be making a brief stop at a drive-thru Elvis wedding chapel as we cruise through Nevada. So let’s get started…
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Nevada’s flag commemorates the war the state fought with California to win the right for its citizens to put stars instead of angels on top of their Christmas trees.

* Nevada became the 36th state on October 31st, 1864, and immediately joined the Civil War on the side of the West – which favored slavery, but opposed letting little girls from Kansas kill witches for their shoes.
* The state bird of Nevada is the Mountain Bluebird. Despite their small size, they are amazingly strong and frequently seen working as casino bouncers.
* The winner of the Nevada Governor’s race is determined by a contest to see who can drink the most martinis without groping a waitress.
* Which may explain why Schwarzenegger ran in California.
* The first slot machine was invented in Reno, Nevada in 1899 by Charles Fey, who got the idea after spending an hour feeding coins into a broken Coke machine.
* “Bertha, the Performing Elephant” entertained for 37 years at the Nugget Casino in Sparks, Nevada, which at the time billed itself as “Home of the World’s Largest Stripper Pole”.
* Pershing County, Nevada has the only round courthouse in the US. This allows criminals to be strapped to the giant, floor-mounted, “Wheel O’ Justice”.
* Nevada formally legalized gambling in the state in 1931 as part of a broad strategy aimed at stopping the flood of illegal Amish immigrants sneaking across their borders.
* The state motto of Nevada is “WOO-HOO! Legal Hookers!”
* Native to Death Valley, Nevada, the Kangaroo Rat can go its entire life without ever drinking. They are nicknamed “Kennedy Rats” for the same reason fat guys are nicknamed “Slim”.
* Wyatt Earp started his career as a lawman as Sheriff of Tonopah, Nevada. He was most famous for his OK Corrall gunfight against Kirk, Spock, Scotty, & McCoy.
* The Icthyosaur was chosen as Nevada’s state fossil in 2004, narrowly defeating the second-place choice of Don Rickles.
* The bells in Austin, Nevada’s St. Augustine church tower are rung by pulling a rope located in the men’s restrooms. Which is slightly less bizarre than the condom dispensers in the confessionals.
* Nevada takes its name from a Spanish word meaning “Which one’s Siegfried?”.
* Nevada’s climate encompasses both burning deserts and frozen mountain tops, which is why Nevada’s license plates say “Nevada – it’s like living in fried ice cream!”.
* Shrouded in mystery just outside of Rachel, Nevada, is the government installation known as “Area 51″. What happens there is so Top Secret that not even the New York Times knows what’s going on.
* Either that, or leaking it won’t aid any terrorists, so they just don’t care.
* Elko, Nevada hosts the annual Cowboy Poetry Gathering. First prize is a trip for two to Brokeback Mountain with the second-place winner.
* Eccentric millionaire Howard Hughes bought numerous casinos in Nevada before his death in 1976. Although these purchases were considered highly speculative at the time, they were still more sensible than investing in caves and black tights like that lunatic, Bruce Wayne.
* Nevada’s gold mines produced over 7 million ounces of gold last year. If it were all hammered into fine gold leaf, it would be enough to completely cover a room the size of Donald Trump’s ego.
* Nevada has some 50,000 miles of paved roads. None of which can get an acting job after appearing in “Lethal Weapon 4″.
* Located 30 miles southeast of Las Vegas, Nevada, the Hoover Dam contains 3.25 billion cubic yards of concrete, and a couple of guys from Jersey who talked too much.
* Nevada’s State Highway 50 features a stretch of nearly 300 miles with no rest stops. While driving it, motorists are cautioned to ignore any signs offering “Free Bird Seed!” and to beware of falling coyotes.
* Las Vegas, Nevada is home to an entire museum devoted to the life & times of Liberace. Who was NOT gay, despite the impression given by his noticable lisp, sequined fur-coats, and numerous sexual encounters with other men.
* Camels were used as pack animals in Nevada until 1870, when they were finally freed from slavery by a smooth character named Joe.
* Las Vegas, Nevada has more hotel rooms than any other city in the world, each containing a copy of the “Gideon’s Bible – Texas Hold-’em Version”.
* The longest Morse Code telegram ever sent was the Nevada state consitution, sent from Carson City, Nevada, to Washington, D.C. in 1864. Inexplicably, it contained over 200 instances of the mysterious phrase, “Come onnnnnn, SEVEN!”
* Andre Agassi was originally an Elvis impersonator in his home town of Las Vegas, Nevada, but moved on to professional tennis after realizing that he’d never be able to duplicate the King’s fearsome backhand.
* Construction worker hard hats were invented specifically for Hoover Dam workers in 1933, replacing the outdated protective measure of strapping an illegal Amish immigrant to your head.
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That wraps up the Nevada edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be making that always-difficult choice between living free or dying as we take a look at New Hampshire.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go “ring St. Augustine’s bells”… if ya know what I mean…

10 Ideas to Modernize the Republican Party

After the disappointing 2012 election, people keep talking about what the GOP will need to do to win in the future. I will also talk about that. Here are my ideas for the GOP to modernize itself and win more elections:
NEW IDEAS FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY
* Replace the ‘o’ in GOP with a zero so it’s more like l33t speak.
* Adopt that blase attitude about everything that’s so popular these days, so next election just run a few ads where the candidates sarcastically say, “Reelect me because I’m a loser who only cares about getting elected and stuff. Like whatever.”
* Start to sucking up to robots so GOP will get all the robot votes when one day robots are allowed to vote (the 30th Amendment). Use shotgun wielding cyborg Dick Cheney as an ambassador.
* Come up with a new dance craze, “GOP Style,” where you dance by miming riding an elephant.
* Calm fears about the new Star Wars movies by making coming up with another creature like Jar Jar Binks a crime punishable by severe fines and imprisonment.
* Take the current GOP logo, and add racing stripes.
* Instead of pandering to the races the Democrats are already working on, go after Orcs and Night Elves in World of Warcraft.
* Make CSPAN more interesting by having all Republican speakers use autotune.
* UFC is popular; make Congress more like that. In the least, install an Octagon. “We’ll settle this… in the Octagon!”
* Mustaches now mandatory for all men in the GOP.

Fun Facts About the 50 States: Nebraska

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, it’s time to take a corn-tastic trip to Nebraska, so let’s get started…
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Nebraska’s state flag celebrates the state’s first law: “no blacksmithing within a mile of a residential structure”.

* Nebraska became the 37th state on March 1st, 1867. It would’ve become a state during the Civil War, but it was fat and wore glasses, so neither side wanted it on their team.
* The state flower of Nebraska is goldenrod, which should not be confused with any similarly-sounding James Bond or Austin Powers movies.
* The powdered soft drink Kool-Aid was invented in Hastings, Nebraska, and was originally sold by traveling salesmen who would kick down people’s doors and shout, “OH YEAH!!!”
* The tradition of planting trees on Arbor Day started in Nebraska City, Nebraska as a cheap way of marking the numerous graves of Kool-Aid salesmen.
* The state motto of Nebraska is “Corn, college football, and… um… more corn”.
* 40% of the munitions used in WWII had to be manufactured at the Naval Ammunition Depot in Hastings, Nebraska, since the rest of the state was rooting for Hitler.
* The world’s largest indoor rainforest is the Lied Jungle in Omaha, Nebraska, but it’s currently closed to tourists because Daryl Hannah keeps climbing the trees and flinging poo at people.
* Nebraska’s Ogala aquifer is the world’s largest underground water supply. It’s estimated to contain about 800 million gallons of water – about the same as Natalie Maines.
* Nebraska is the only state in the US with a unicameral (one house) legislature, which is currently evenly divided between the Feed Corn and Sweet Corn Parties.
* Nebraska was the first state to complete its segment of the nation’s Interstate Highway system, due to its citizens near-insatiable hunger for something to do besides watch the corn grow, i.e. watching concrete solidify.
* Nebraska’s phenomenal corn production is due to a combination of modern irrigation techniques and good old-fashioned human sacrifice.
* The 9-1-1 emergency phone system was first developed in Lincoln, Nebraska as a replacement for their old emergency communications system of having hobbits light signal fires to call the Riders of Rohan.
* Nebraska’s famous landmark “Chimney Rock” was recently sold to the Pfizer corporation and is now known as “Viagra Point”.
* Omaha, Nebraska is home to the world’s largest coffee pot. While there, remember to tip the world’s largest waitress.
* Kearny, Nebraska is located exactly halfway between Boston and San Francisco. This does NOT make it homophobic. Don’t be so sensitive.
* Marlon Brando’s mother gave Henry Fonda acting lessons at the Omaha Community Playhouse. Unfortunately, she neglected to give him lessons on raising kids not to be commie-loving traitors.
* The world’s largest Woolly Mammoth specimen was found in Lincoln County, Nebraska. If its skin were stretched to its full size, it would cover enough area to make a thong for Michael Moore.
* The Mutual of Omaha Insurance Company’s corporate office has 7 full floors of underground offices, in one of which the Architect awaits Neo.
* The Nebraska Cornhuskers college football team made a NCAA record 35 consecutive bowl appearances. 36, if you count the “Still Looking For A Corporate Sponsor – [Your Name Here] Bowl”.
* The world’s first college course about Rush Limbaugh is taught at Nebraska’s Bellvue University. Topics include “Barking Moonbats – When To Hang Up” and “Things Not To Take On A Plane”.
* Nebraska gets its name from the Oto Indian word “nee-ba-sah”, meaning “Are you SURE we’re not still in Iowa?”.
* The world’s largest porch swing is located in Hebron, Nebraska. It can seat 25 adults, or Michael Moore in a Woolly Mammoth thong.
* The Fur Trading Museum is located near Blair, Nebraska. Just take Highway 75 north from Omaha, then follow the wet pelt smell.
* The University of Nebraska – Lincoln campus boasts America’s largest weight room. It covers 3/4 of an acre and is currently celebrating its second full day of being steroid-free.
* Oops… Nevermind…
* Nebraska’s 1986 Governor’s race was the first in the nation to feature two women running against each other. Sadly, the final vote tally was not close enough to trigger the Jello-wrestling tie-breaker.
* Buffalo Bill held his first rodeo in North Platte, Nebraska, which – contrary to popular rumor – was NOT catered by Hannibal Lecter.
* Father Edward Flanagan founded Boys Town in Omaha, Nebraska, in 1917. To this day, it remains one of the few places in America not infected with girl-cooties.
* Dancer Fred Astaire was born in Omaha, Nebraska, although he had to leave the city after Ginger Rogers gave him cooties.
* Gerald Ford was born in Omaha, Nebraska, and was the only US President to hold the office without having been elected to it – blatherings by Gore and Kerry to the contrary notwithstanding.
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That wraps up the Nebraska edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week it’s all about the drinkin’, gamblin’, and whorin’, because we’re off to Nevada.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go watch some concrete solidify… WOO-HOO!!!
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Sore Loser? Darned Straight

For four years Americans watched as the Obama administration delivered body blow after body blow to our economy, institutions, heritage, system of government, and world standing. Here is the Obama record:

The most people in poverty, in deep poverty, on food stamps, on welfare, on SSDI, jobless longer than 26 weeks, 43 straight months with unemployment over 8%, a lowest workforce participation rate since 1981, the largest debt, deficit spending, drilling permits denied, moratoriums put in place, bailouts, laws ignored, years without passing a budget, nationalized health care and student loans, state control of lending institutions and housing market, times the Constitution was violated, the number of lies told, and the worst, leaving Americans behind. Happy Veterans Day.

America gets the government it deserves, for they are the short sighted, self centered, most ignorant, uneducated, thoughtless, irresponsible, irrational people on earth. At least on November 6, 2012 they were.

Sound like a sore loser? Damned straight, my country is at stake. This nation is now under direct threat of moral, financial, and economic collapse. The fundamental transformation will be completed.

Transforming from the rule of law, a federal government balanced by separation of powers, we will now get centralized authority with concentrated power led by an Imperial President who will rule through an administrative state and not govern by the consent of the governed. Unless Republicans grow a spine.

Individual rights, property rights, and the Constitution will be under direct assault from a leftist president who told us he didn’t like America as founded. He told us. And now we get four more years of assaults on our liberty? This is unacceptable. This nation should be outraged.

What’s this let’s all come together in peace and harmony and fix America crap? We need to band together to stop Obama from destroying our Constitutional Republic. That is if there are enough American’s left who are smart enough to understand what is at stake.

After fours years of Obama telling them one thing while doing another, this group of absolute dolts believed what he said and voted for him again. Calling Nurse Ratchet, bring staff and lots of straight jackets.

Out to prove Einstein 100% correct the DAY after the election and lofty victory speech, how Obama was going to reach across the aisle and work with Republican leaders to solve America’s problems, when he NEVER has, it begins.

The day after Reid declares we must revise the filibuster rules. The tyranny of the majority is necessary to get ‘things’ done.

The next day Treasury Secretary Geithner said quote: “We may have to raise the debt ceiling before the end of the year.” This following $195 billion in deficit spending in October.

The next day Harry Reid said we’ll get that done, we’ll raise the debt ceiling to $18.794 TRILLION, no problem.

The next day Fitch threatened to lower the credit rating of the United States.

The next day the market tanked.

Why? Experts quoted in the corrupt liberal media who delivered an Obama victory again said; “The troubles in Europe and the fear a divided congress won’t form a solution to the fiscal cliff caused the market to fall.”

The truth is there may be a fire sale to beat the December 31 deadline when an all out assault on investments takes place. Taxes are scheduled to rise on dividends, capital gains, and income taxes.

A full frontal assault will now take place on economic freedom the next four years. More taxes, debt, deficits, and regulations. Higher health care and energy costs are guaranteed.

We are now firmly entrenched in a post constitutional America with enemies of free enterprise in charge. The best economic results their agenda can produce is stagnation to abnormally slow growth. Millions have just been sentenced to more unemployment.

Instead of a Romney who would have empowered the individual in a free enterprise system we will now get federal control of the private sector.

Our only hope this leftist freight train can be slowed is to block the tracks through the house of representatives. However the house can only do so much. They can’t stop an out of control executive ruling through bureaucratic rule and executive order.

If you thought the last four years were painful, you haven’t seen anything yet.

Here’s a tip for the Republican Party. You can’t nominate a moderate and run his campaign by nice guys from the inside the beltway establishment against a group of Chicago street thugs.

You will lose every time.

America is going to need more than prayer to survive as a Constitutional Republic and return its economy to its potential.

Already In The Pipeline

You can’t say I didn’t warn you. I told you what we could expect from a second term of Barack Obama, emboldened by Democrats in Congress. It hasn’t taken but a few days for many of these things to already be in the pipeline.
Tax increases
Let’s start with taxes. While the fiscal cliff issue must be resolved, you can rest assured that taxes will absolutely be going up for the evil rich. It’s a drop-dead certainty. I mean, the day after the election we have Harry Reid making this completely mindless statement:

“The president campaigned around the country saying, ‘We know what the problems are with this fiscal problem. We just need some revenue,’” Reid said. “That was the issue. The mandate was look at all the exit polls, look at all the polling, the vast majority of the American people, rich, poor, everybody agrees that the rich — richest of the rich have to help a little bit.”

He’s right … the American people bought this lie, this absurdity, that our fiscal troubles could be solved simply by taxing the rich! We’ve been through that dog-and-pony show before. You could take all of the income of the evil rich, all of the assets (wealth) of the evil millionaires and billionaires and all of the profits from the top Fortune 500 companies and it wouldn’t even be enough to run our government for one stinking year. In fact, the CBO just released some new statistics. Tax revenues collected by the federal government were up in 2012 – they increased! – and that includes a 34% increase in taxes collected from evil corporations. So while tax revenues increased, defense spending decreased. Are you with me? Less money spent on defense and more money coming into the government …. and yet Barack Obama STILL managed to rack up a $1 trillion deficit! That means that we spent $1 trillion more than we took in in revenues. You have to go back to 1946 to find that kind of deficit spending. Simply put: The Democrats are full of Bolshoi when they tell you that our problems are revenue.
A Wealth Tax
I’ve mentioned this before. In fact, I’ve been talking about it for 18 years. When Clinton had full control of the federal government his staffers started work on a plan to levy a tax on the outstanding balances in various retirement plans and pensions, like IRAs and 401K plans. These wealth taxes were set aside when the Republicans took control of the congress. My guess is there coming back. This afternoon Dear Ruler will be talking to his myrmidons about the so-called “fiscal cliff.” He almost certainly will tell us that the wealthy need to pay “their fair share” or “a little more.” He has hammered this theme now for the entirety of his political life. So trust me on this one --- even though you may have stopped earning income. If you’re wealthy, this man is coming after you. Be ready.
The Second Amendment
Just one day after winning re-election, Barack Obama and his administration moved to re-open talks in the United Nations over the global arms treaty. What sort of sovereignty would our Constitution and Bill of Rights enjoy at the hands of international demands for us to register firearms and comply with global gun laws?
Cap-and-Trade
Harry Reid is ready to move on greenhouse gas legislation, otherwise known as cap-and-trade. He says that “Climate change is an extremely important issue for me and I hope we can address it reasonably.” Well isn’t that special? But it isn’t just Harry Reid’s pet project. Clearly we know of the EPA regulations that are now certain to befall this nation and particularly our coal industry. And did you know that the US Treasury has sponsored a major tax study on ways to link the tax code to carbon emissions? Taxes on emissions are a certainty unless Republicans in the House can put up enough of a fight.
Russia’s Flexibility
Russia is already flexing its muscles. Just two days after the election, Russia’s Deputy Prime Minister goes and tells an international conference that he hopes Obama is mindful of his promise to give Russia “flexibility,” particularly on the issue of the US missile defense shield.

REASONS TO VOTE FOR ME

I promise no sex scandals. In my life I have had zero sex scandals, I promise to continue this
into my presidency. Over the next 8 years (4 for campaigning, 4 for being president) I promise that no groups of women will ever be successful in coercing me into a scandal.

I can make this promise because I fully intend to exploit the fact that I was president after
my term in office ends.

I can promise you that I will not be the conservative Bill Clinton because lets face it.
He's desirable. I'm far from it. He also has interesting things to say, me not so much.

So remember when you vote for me, you're voting for a guy focused on one thing, getting elected, and not on other stuff.

I know Lisa doesn't like me talking about this stuff, half of it I go too far, and the other
half he is just tired of hearing, but these are important things for us Americans (by the way
I was totally born here, unlike you know who) to know about the man who is gonna be president.

Shutdown

One of the things you hear about from time to time are worries about a government shutdown. The Congress and the president always seem to find a way to avoid it. And, those ways always involve increasing the debt.
I got an idea. Let the government shut down.
No, I’m serious.
You see, the government doesn’t really shut down. All but essential services are stopped.
Think about that. Let that sink in.
Essential government services continue.
And that’s the clue to the entire problem: the government is performing non-essential services.
I’ve actually had this discussion with people. When I mention that the government shouldn’t be performing non-essential services, they counter with “Oh, but people are dependent on those services!”
Really. They’re justifying non-essential services by citing people that are so screwed up they can’t survive without them. But here’s the thing: they can. The services are non-essential. That means — and this is the part that so many people don’t seem to grasp — the services are not essential.
Oh, sure, there’ll be problems. But there will be problems anyway. The question is, when is the best time to deal with them: now, while they’re huge. Or later, when they’re even more huge.
Like Sarah Connor said, there’s a storm coming.
Stock up.

With a Smile on Your Face or Not at All

My philosophy is that anything beyond your daily bread is a luxury, and from that perspective we live a very rich and luxurious life here in the United States of America. Nothing guarantees that will continue, though, and no one owes it to us. I say this not because I think we will suffer great loss, but we often get so caught up in thinking of what we can lose that we don’t appreciate all the blessing we have. It is very easy to be a miserable billionaire. But that shouldn’t be us. We have so many luxuries, so many opportunities in this country, that we should always have a smile on our faces. If we keep perspective. And we need to hold tightest onto the things that can never be taken away from us: Our principles.
Anyway, the election… it was disappointing. But one of the great foolishnesses the left believes is that the right needs to avoid is that you change the country at the ballot box. They think they can elect the right people and they’ll drag everyone to their view. That was the attempt with Obamacare and other left-wing ideas forced on the country. We have to be smarter than that. This is a country where the government serves the people — not where it molds them. To affect change in government, we as a people must change first.
So how do we change the country? We have to forget about politics, because politics is small and insignificant and America needs to be a place of big ideas and grander things. One of the defining characteristics of a conservative is that we have many many things in our lives much more important than politics. Family. Careers. Religion. Politics is but a bump in the road compared to those things.
So if we want a better government, we need to be a better people. And you don’t get to be a better people focusing on tiny things like politics. Instead, we need to build people on the important things and the politics will come naturally. I think a good example is Dave Ramsey. He’s on crusade to get individual out of debt and relying on themselves and their own finances for retirement. He doesn’t talk politics, but when someone has learned to rely on themselves and not government, do you think they’re going to vote for people asking to confiscate their wealth for empty promises of false security? As I’ve said, give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll stop voting Democrat.
We can’t be people who think conservatism is just a neat political idea; we have to be people who feel liberty is the true security down to the bone. And we have to build up others around us to feel that to. The culture is the battlefield, and actions speak much louder than any media can. That is where we must focus. If we want a better government, we all must be better people.
It won’t be an easy journey. It’s not like we lost our way just recently. It started in the beginning of last century when the federal government began to guarantee people’s individual security, i.e., making sweet promises it’s too inept to keep. How do we get away from that mentality? Who knows. It would be unprecedented, which is why I’ve always thought “classical liberal” is a better label for us than “conservative.” We’re supporting radical ideas of liberty that have never been achieved before. And they’re still scary to many people. Which is why we need to be a stronger people. Independent people who all truly believe they can best take care of themselves. And only then can we work together to achieve greatness like this world has never known.
So that’s what we’re working for. And if you can’t do it with a smile on your face, then I recommend giving up worrying about politics altogether as it is not worth the aggravation. We have to continue forward with hope — not hope in some government or idiot bureaucrats, but hope in each other and our abilities.
So, in summary, I don’t do being all dour and sad. Many have worked hard and even died to give us all the opportunities and luxuries we have now. Let’s take advantage of them and not be a bunch of whiny sissies about all this.

Doomed Beyond All Hope of Redemption

The American people -- or, at the very least, a sufficient plurality of them -- decided that they want another four years of clumsy policy failures and vengeful "progressivism," as Democrats nowadays describe their agenda for wrecking what remains of our constitutional republic. Even before the unmitigated political disaster of November 6, 2012, a date that will live in infamy, the prospects of salvaging the United States were not particularly hopeful. Now, however, we are permanently and irretrievably screwed.
Let's not mince words, eh? It was one thing, obviously, for the electorate to choose Barack Obama in 2008, when Bush-era "brand damage" was still a fresh irritant in the wounds of a war-weary nation. Four years ago, Obama was untested and enshrouded in the glowing mantle of Hope. No intelligent person could possibly believe that "Lightworker" crap anymore, but then again, it's been a long time since any intelligent person believed anything a Democrat said. The cretins and dimwits have become an effective governing majority, and the question for conservatives at this point is perhaps not, "What does it mean?" but rather, "Why should we bother ourselves resisting it any longer?"
Alas, as always, the duty of the Right is to manfully endure, to survive the defeat and stubbornly oppose the vaunting foe, and so this brutal shock, this electoral catastrophe, must be absorbed and digested. At some point next week or next month or next year, then, we shall recover our morale and plot some new stratagem for the future. In the immediate aftermath of Tuesday's debacle, however, it is difficult to see any glimmer of light amid the encroaching gloom. Surely, there are many Americans who now sympathize with that New York infantryman who, in the bleak winter of 1862, when the Union's Army of the Potomac was under the incompetent command of Gen. Ambrose Burnside, wrote home in forlorn complaint: "Mother, do not wonder that my loyalty is growing weak.… I am sick and tired of the disaster and the fools that bring disaster upon us."
The search for scapegoats always attends political defeat, and Republicans have no shortage of candidates for the role, beginning with Todd Akin, whose ill-considered remarks about "legitimate rape" during an August interview set off a nationwide demand that he quit as the GOP nominee against Sen. Claire McCaskill in Missouri. Akin went down to ignominious defeat Tuesday, as did Indiana's Richard Mourdock, who upset Republican Sen. Richard Lugar in the primary but then imploded after making Akin-esque comments about rape and abortion. Perhaps pro-life groups should sponsor a training session for political candidates, teaching them how to answer "gotcha" questions without either ceding anything to the abortion lobby or offending voters with off-the-cuff comments about rape. But Akin and Mourdock were just two names on a long list of bloodbaths for GOP Senate candidates, a massacre that also defeated Republican candidates in Virginia, Florida, Ohio, Wisconsin, Maine, Massachusetts and elsewhere.
The list of fools who have brought this disaster upon us certainly also will include New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, the gelatinous clown who (a) hogged up a prime time spot at the Republican convention to sing his own praises; (b) embraced Obama as the hero of Hurricane Sandy; and (c) then refused to appear at campaign events in support of Romney's presidential campaign. Good luck with the remainder of your political future, governor. It is unlikely Republicans shall soon forget your perfidious betrayal.
Well, then, what shall we say of Mitt Romney himself? He did not run a bad campaign. He excited the party's conservative base with his choice of Rep. Paul Ryan as his running mate, and Romney's stunning victory in the first presidential debate Oct. 3 ignited a surge of momentum that seemed destined to carry him all the way to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. I fondly recall the night after the debate when, in Fisherville, Virginia, a crowd twice the size of the town turned out to cheer Romney and Ryan at a jubilant rally. A few minutes before 1 a.m. this morning, the TV networks called Obama the winner in Virginia, a result that seemed impossible a month ago. The margin of Romney's defeat in Virginia -- as in the other major battleground states of Florida and Ohio -- was quite slender, but it was a defeat nonetheless.
Romney's campaign staff furiously challenged the fact of their defeat, so that the loser's concession speech was postponed until the wee hours of the morning. One can scarcely blame them for refusing to admit such a grim reality, but the reality could not be escaped. When Romney finally took the stage in Boston, he graciously said, "I pray that the president will be successful in guiding our nation." Prayers notwithstanding, the only success the current president is likely to have is in guiding our nation straight toward a destination that proverbially waits at the end of a road paved with good intentions.
What is left to hope for? That the American people will soon regret their choice? That another four years of economic stagnation and escalating debt will cure them of their insane appetite for charismatic liberals? If four years of endless failure have not rid them of this madness, the disease may well be terminal. Perhaps others will still see some cause for hope, and in another few weeks my friends may persuade me to see it, too. But today I will hear no such talk, and I doubt I'll be in a better mood tomorrow. At the moment, I am convinced America is doomed beyond all hope of redemption, and any talk of the future fills me with dread and horror.

Fun Facts About the 50 States: Montana

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we’ll be finding out what it’s like to live 200 miles from your nearest neighbor as we visit Montana, so let’s get started…
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The state flag of Montana features the motto “oro y plata”, which is Spanish for “cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies on a plate”

* Montana became the 41st state on November 8th, 1889. It was originally settled by a herd of moose who eventually lost the territory to white settlers in a poker game.
* Seems that moose always twitch their antlers when they’re bluffing.
* The first large-scale vigilante force was formed to police the lawless Montana Territory in 1884. More enthusiastic than legally savvy, they would frequently hang wandering cattle for rustling themselves.
* Montana’s nickname is “The Nervous Sheep State”.
* It was legal to drink while driving in Montana until October 1, 2005, when the Kennedy Prevention Act was finally passed.
* The Bitterroot is the state flower of Montana. The root is so bitter that eating it is actually forbidden by law, lest the person eating it turn into a Democrat.
* After years of Montana having no speed limit on its highways, it was finally set at 65mph in 1999, effectively killing the state’s antelope drag-racing industry.
* In Butte, Montana, it’s legal to shoot anyone who deliberately mispronounces the city’s name and giggles.
* Montana is believed to have the largest grizzly bear population in the US, although the number may include some of the local women who were counted by mistake.
* The state song of Montana is “What’s That Bear Doing In The Woods?”
* Montana gets its name from the Spanish word for “moose chalupa”.
* The state tree of Montana is the Ponderosa Pine, which has a much better salad bar than the Bonanza Pine.
* The state bird of Montana is the Meadowlark, which terrorizes the skies above the state’s human residents much as their prehistoric pterodactyl ancestors did.
* The Montana Yogo Sapphire is the only North American gem included in the Crown Jewels of England, except for the Texas Yee Haw Diamond.
* In 1888, Helena, Montana, had more millionaires per capita than any other city in the world. In 1889, God sent a plague of elk to devour them all for their sinful ways.
* The population density of Montana is 6 people per square mile. About the same as a Dixie Chicks concert.
* The first bobsled track in North America was built at Lolo Pass, Montana in 1965 in the hopes that it would enable the American Olympic team to finally defeat those feisty Jamaicans.
* Combination, Comet, Keystone, and Pony are some of the quaintly-named Montana ghost towns from which the Brady Bunch have successfully escaped.
* Virginia City, Montana was founded in 1863 and has remained completely unchanged for the last 100 years, much like the Democratic Party.
* The highest point in Montana is Granite Peak, which stands 12,799 feet tall, give or take a mountain goat.
* The world’s largest glacier is in Montana’s Glacier National Park, where it has been carefully preserved inside the world’s largest glass of Scotch.
* Glacier National Park also boasts the world’s most elaborate security system, which was specifically designed to keep Ted Kennedy out.
* The mountains of Montana have yielded a treasure trove of prehistoric artifacts over the years, including dinosaur eggs, and a speech by Howard Dean from his sane period.
* The Battle of Little Bighorn National Monument is located just south of Billings, Montana, and marks the spot where General Custer and his men were slaughtered by Plains Indians for not tipping their waitresses at the casino.
* The “Going to the Sun Road” in Glacier Park, Montana, is considered one of the most scenic drives in America, second only to New Jersey’s “Toxic Waste Trail”.
* In Montana, the elk, deer, and antelope populations outnumber the humans, but they are not allowed to vote because of Apartheid.
* To this day, Nelson Mandelka remains a political prisoner in Billings.
* The Roe River near Great Falls, Montana, is the world’s shortest river. At 58 feet, it’s 10 feet shorter than the drool-trail left typically left by Michael Moore while entering a McDonald’s.
* Motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel was born in Butte, Montana. Despite his many legendary stunts, he never did manage to make it across Springfield Gorge on his skateboard.
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That wraps up the Montana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll likely be murdered by feral Corn-Children as we visit Nebraska.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get a Moose Chalupa.