And how did you do this? By watching boxing, by supporting him on welfare, by, well, existing.
The New York Times has given my favorite reason so far: He blew up the Boston Marathon because he was "angry that the world pictures Islam as a violent religion."
Let me repeat that: He blew up the Boston Marathon because he was "angry that the world pictures Islam as a violent religion."
It's YOUR fault, you Islamophobic cretins.
You can't make this stuff up.
So, in the interest of fairness, let me find a few more ways that society and you can be at fault for Boston, without having to look at the religion.
He was:
- Upset that the Red Sox/Patriots/Celtics/Bruins didn't win the World Series/Super Bowl/NBA Championship/Stanley Cup.
- Angry that Bill Belichick cheating gave the impression that Bill Belichick cheats.
- Practicing for the upcoming Russian/Chechen Moscow Bomb-a-thon.
- Overcome with loathing of people who think it's fun to run 26.2 miles.
- Upset that his welfare checks stopped coming.
- Bored, because seriously:What is there for a sober, bacon-free 26-year-old to do in Boston anyway?
- Looking for a professorship at an elite East Coast University.
- Trying out for that show, "Destroy Build Destroy." He just didn't get to the "Build" part.
- Tired of all the publicity and goodwill that New York gets just for being blown up on 9/11 and wanted to bring some of that to Boston.
- Educated at an elite prep school, so no wonder he hates America.
- Mad that all the guys were voted off American Idol.
- Trying to make Obama look good by giving him a bomber that didn't take a decade to hunt down and kill.
- Crazy mad that no one knows where Chechnya is.
- Jealous of all the attention mass shootings get. He wanted equal time for bombings.
- Hoping to force Congress' hand in enacting Common Sense Cookware Control.
- Desirous of meeting Diana Oughton, one of Billy Ayers' old girlfriends.
- Really not fond of Monday
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