I Guess We Will Have to Ban Knifes Now

Even though the machete/butcher’s cleaver terrorists in England openly stated they were Jihadists, the media still can’t seem to accept that simple fact.  Something else, probably America or right wing nutjobs, must be the root cause.  Something like a combination of these:

• The attackers weren’t really Jihadists.  They were just following orders because AIPAC had their families.
• They were just so mad that 24 will be coming back.
• Bath salts followed by too many hours watching Gordon Ramsey.
• This Youtube video.
• They were really vacationing Tea Partiers, and this was their way of mourning Margaret Thatcher.
• They were driven to violence by British cuisine.
• Lack of bacon makes anyone testy.
• They were just soccer hooligans who hadn’t realized the Manchester United brawl hadn’t already ended.
• They were paid operatives of the NRA employed to demonstrate how vulnerable an unarmed society is.
• If they guy didn’t want to get attacked, then he shouldn’t have dressed like a soldier.
• They thought they heard the victim mention Trig in a disparaging manner, and they just love math so much they couldn’t bear it. (For you Bunkerhillbilly)

Exposed:More Inappropriate IRS Questions

The IRS has now been exposed for giving extra oppressive scrutiny to Tea Party groups applying for Tax-Exempt status. The questions on these applications required the groups to list more than just their purpose: They were required to list their family members, their beliefs, their reading lists, the CONTENT OF THEIR PRAYERS.

I have, through means of stealth and dishonesty, managed to track down more of the questions that the IRS was using to screen conservative groups and subject them to extra rigorous scrutiny.

 Here are some of the more egregious of them:

Better president: George W. Bush or Satan?

Do you understand that Reagan's legacy falls naturally to the Democratic Party?

Why do you hate old people?

Why do you hate kids?

Why are you a racist?

Have you ever been in a cockpit before?

Better deity to worship: Baal or Moloch?

If I die, will you get married again?

Less filling or Tastes great?

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Why is Obama the bestest president ever?

Who wrote the Book of Love?

Why do fools fall in love?

Do you like movies about gladiators?

Who's your daddy?

Does this outfit make me look fat?

What is the capital of Assyria?

When you close your eyes, do you dream about me?

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

What's that smell?

Can you smell that smell?

Have you ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny say?

Who'll stop the rain?

Is that, in fact, what she said?

How do you know she's a witch?

Is that a rabbit in you pocket or are you just happy Obama's president?

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

What is your favorite color?

Paper or plastic?

Why do you hate America?

Abortion: Safe, legal and rare, or just safe and legal?

Better news channel: CNN or MSNBC?

Better here? or here?

Okay, now, here? or here?

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow

Scandals, Scandals Everywhere…….

It sure seems like the press is actually beginning to pay attention to some of the Obama administration scandals.  Could it be that the press is finally beginning to lose its bias?  Of course not.  That would be silly.  According to my connections in the State Department, these superficial scandals are just a diversion to cover up for the really embarrassing scandals that are being actively suppressed.  I’ll be slowly leaking these scandals out over the coming week as I am able to uncover them.

• Michelle Obama provided legal advice to the Baker’s Union associated with the bankruptcy of Hostess and is vested in the private venture capital group that has purchased the Hostess recipes.
• The NAACP has begun to officially question Obama’s ‘black authenticity’ since leaked security footage from the White House locker room depicts him slathering himself with spray tan and insta-perm.

The Truth Shall Set You Free

I'm sure everybody is as surprised as I am at the stunning revelation that the IRS was singling out Tea Party groups for extra scrutiny and invasive questioning. Which is to say: Not surprised in the slightest.

The headline on this story should read: Group Protesting Oppressive Government and Taxation Oppressed by Oppressive Government Entity Responsible For Enforcing Tax Code.

But that wouldn't fit.

The sad fact here is that the Obama Administration (and I have little doubt this goes very high up, indeed. Alinsky rules. Put an amoral man in the White House, expect amoral behavior from his administration.) has gone and proven the truth of what the Tea Party was protesting: That high taxes and big government lead to oppression.

Don't expect to hear that (absolutely true) analysis on the Nightly News: Obama Administration Validates Tea Party Concerns.

Just wait until his IRS has a hand in enforcing your health care.

House of Cards

So, with all that has been going on lately, like a new scandal every day or something, it might seem like the Obama house of cards is starting to fall apart. I mean, it's been crazy enough that Benghazi was almost completely ignored for so long until now and that people just bought what the White House was selling on that, but the fact that they are trying to spin the same way with all of this other stuff that's going on is just insulting. The people may be stupid sometimes, but we aren't stupid all of the time. And from the sweat on Carney's brow lately, I'm guessing he, at least, knows that. Not sure about his boss though.

It really does take a special kind of arrogance to not only swat this stuff away as "republicans on a witch hunt" or whatever, but also for one of the targets of your administration's misuse of power and buffoonery being a major media organization. That's like being a little weakling but never getting beat up because your best friend is a 7 foot, 300 lb body builder who protects you. And then calling that best friend names. That's just a really bad idea. And as these stories seem to be carried more and more on all of the media outlets, I'd guess Obama's best friend is a bit peeved.

So it's easy to assume that this stuff will just cascade out of control and that "we've only scratched the surface" as one politician put it. And that this will all lead to impeachment or something. You can already see people saying "impeach!" all over the internet, and the facts aren't even clear yet. I would be very surprised if there wasn't a lot of skeletons in this administration's closet, including serious criminal and unconstitutional conduct...it is Chicago politics after all. But don't be hasty about impeachment...we all saw how pointless that is with Clinton.

Granted, the things Clinton was being charged for were possibly lesser offenses than what Obama might be guilty of (again..Chicago politics), but the problem is, few people actually want to see a sitting president removed. And I don't mean you or me, I mean politicians. The idea of it makes them feel vulnerable themselves and uncomfortable. There isn't much love for actual accountability in Washington. So, I am about 99% sure that unless Obama personally murdered someone, he's safe.

And that might be a good thing. Because if Obama goes, we have Biden, unless they can stick charges to him too (doubtful...does anyone really believe Biden is in the circle?). And after that Boener, and the list gets worse. If there was something to be done, I would prefer some kind of censuring with the stipulation that the President is not allowed to leave the White House or get in front of a camera or submit stupid ideas for the remainder of his presidency.

Like a perfect little president.

The Lamest Duck

Aw, have you seen poor little Obama lately? That special guy just seems so scared and confused about all the scandals going on. And he doesn’t know anything about any of them! I mean, he’s just the president; it’s not like its his job to know what’s going on with the government.
And Obama’s all like, “Well, I guess you’ll have to talk to the Attorney General, Eric Holder. Oh, he doesn’t know anything either. I guess you’ll have to talk to his supervisor. Wait, that’s me. I guess you’ll have to talk to my supervisor then. I think that’s Bush.”
And now some people are worried that all this incompetence and lack of accountability will cause people to lose faith in government. Of course, conservatives have always said we shouldn’t have faith in government because it will constantly fail, but no one believed us until we were smart enough to get a bunch of incompetent liberals elected to demonstrate it. Now we can just point at the Obama administration and say, “See. This is why you don’t trust the government to do things. Wait… what? You already turned health care over to it?! Idiots!”
And I bet Obama had big plans for his second term — probably all drawn out on construction paper with crayon and everything. Well, maybe he can turn things around and get a huge majority in Congress in 2014 and ram through his agenda again — that would probably finish the country off. More likely, though, Obama will just flounder around lamely for three and half more years. And that’s the best case scenario for the country right now.
But 2016 will come, and then I can be elected president. And I will not tolerate any scandals in government. If I hear of one guy doing something wrong in the IRS, I will blow up the entire headquarters. I will drone strike it. And by the end of my term as president, we will have built multiple new prisons just to hold all the politicians and bureaucrats I will be prosecuting. That’s my promise.
Joe Johnson. 2016: Make them pay. Make them all pay.

Fun Facts About Mother’s Day

Forget flowers, candy, perfume, cards and brunch. All you REALLY need to make mom happy is to show her how much you know about the specialest, motherest day of the year by sharing these:
______________
Fun Facts About Mother’s Day
1) The Mother’s Day holiday was first conceived by an American woman named Anna Jarvis in 1907, but didn’t become an official holiday until 1914, when President Woodrow Wilson’s mom finally managed to guilt him into it.
2) Mother’s Day is celebrated in 43 countries around the world. The other 153 celebrate the more traditional “Is Dinner Ready Yet Day”
3) Mother’s Day is officially designated the 2nd Sunday in May, rather than on a fixed calendar day, because if you want something fixed, you should call your dad.
4) Mothers secrete large amounts of a hormone called “oxytocin” during childbirth, which is responsible for the feeling of love a mother has for her offspring. It also spikes on those rare occasions when your clothes make it into the hamper instead of landing on a nearby patch of floor.
5) Although different languages have different words for “mother”, all of them start with the letter “M”. Except on Jerry Springer, where they usually start with “B”.
6) Mother’s Day ranks as the third most popular holiday in the world, after Christmas and Easter. It would rank higher were it not for the fact that there’s no such thing as leftover Mother’s Day candy.
7) In many Christian countries, Mother’s Day is associated with the Feast of Virgin Mary, except in America where it’s associated with the Binge of Ben & Jerry’s.
8) In Arab countries, the highlight of Mother’s Day is the “Burka Breakdance Contest.” If you’ve ever done a headspin in sand, you know how hard it is to win this thing.
9) Although mother chimpanzees, like human mothers, enjoy long-lasting relationships with their babies, they don’t celebrate Mother’s Day because their offspring are too busy plotting the Monkey Apocalypse to pick up a phone and call.
10) Maria del Carmen Bousada Lara from Spain gave birth to twin boys when she was 66 years old on December 29th, 2006, making her the world’s oldest birth-mother. On Mother’s Day 2007, she was presented with a solid chocolate rocking chair.
11) The most popular gift-flower on Mother’s Day is the red carnation. If you don’t have red carnations, most mothers will be just as happy with a nice red cabernet.
12) The Nazi government in Germany used to present an award called the Mother’s Cross on Mother’s Day to encourage women to have more children. Allied governments handed out maids & babysitters. Guess which one worked better?
13) In Paraguay, Mother’s Day is celebrated on May 15th, the Independence Day of the country, when many mothers enjoy a special treat of waking up to fireworks in bed.
14) Long ago, people in England honored their mothers with a wild, drunken day of celebration called “Mothering Sunday,” which was followed immediately by “Shhh! Mommy’s Got a Hangover Monday”.
15) The average number of children born to women over a lifetime in the US is 2.03. Coincidentally, the average number of disappointing Mother’s Day gifts a woman receives over a lifetime is… somewhat higher by several orders of magnitude.
16) There are 17,124 florists in the US. On Mother’s Day, all of them will have nothing but black-spotted, wilty, petal-dropping flowers left. Why didn’t you plan ahead, you thoughtless, ungrateful child!
17) On average, 43,000 births each year in the US occur someplace other than a hospital, which can only be blamed on the negative influence of ratings-hungry television dramas.
18) Ancient Egyptians believed that “Bast” was the mother of all cats on Earth, and that cats were sacred animals, possibly explaining why the traditional Egyptian Mother’s Day gift is a dead mouse.
19) Many of the sweaters worn by Mr. Rogers on the popular television show, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, were actually knitted by his real mother. Every year on Mother’s Day, he would give her a pair of scissors and beg her to cut the apron strings.
20) Having 4 official languages, various regions of Switzerland celebrate either Muttertag, La Festa Della Mamma, Fête des Mères, or Gimme Some Damn Chocolate Day.
21) Mother’s Day is the largest card-sending day of the year. It’s also the day postal sorting machines are most likely to become jammed with macaroni and glitter.
22) In Ethiopia, Mother’s Day is celebrated by having mothers anoint themselves with butter. Just my opinion, but if they added flour, sugar, eggs, chocolate chips, and 10 minutes at 350 degrees, it’d be a much better holiday for everyone.
23) According to the most recent census, there are 85.4 million mothers in the United States. Despite all of them fondly recalling exactly when and where their children were born, all of them have, at one time or another, asked their non-door-closing offspring if they were born in a barn.
______________
Ya know, all 85.4 million mothers have also said, “some day you’ll thank me for this.”
And all 85.4 million of them were right.
Thanks, mom.

Good Monday Y'All

I’m feeling like a good rant here. Been quiet over the weekend.. but that certainly doesn’t mean I have been ignoring the news.  Any rational thinking American … we can narrow that down to people not stupid enough to vote for 0bama … knows more than ever, after the news and happenings of the past few days, that 0bama and his mindless Democrat myrmidons pose to the future of liberty.  Let’s start with …
BANGHAZI
            The mainstream 0bamaMedia isn’t going to cover this … at best you will get vague references and distorted accounts.  Cover what?  To try to put this disgusting story into a short narrative let’s just say that we now know that the 0bama administration engaged in a massive and determined cover up on the Benghazi incident.  0bama lied to us.  Hillary Clinton lied to us.  Ambassador Susan Rice lied to us.  Lies.  Calculated and deliberate lies fed to the American public just weeks before the November midterm elections in order to hide 0bama’s incompetence in providing for the security of our foreign service officers and his unwillingness to hold Islamic thugs responsible for their actions.
            I’m not going to go through the who sordid story right here.  Stephen Hayes has already done that in this story for The Weekly Standard.  If you don’t want to understand the dishonesty and treachery of 0bama and those working for him, by all means don’t click on the story.  Maybe you’re better off believing the media’s portrayal of 0bama as a brilliant leader dedicated to the preservation of our liberties and the American Dream.  Bolshoi.  0bama is far more dedicated to the cause of protecting what’s left of Islam’s reputation than he is protecting Americans.
            Reader’s Digest version:  Before the attacks on the Benghazi consulate was over; before Chris Stevens was dead, before three other Americans had been killed, our intelligence operatives knew full well that the attack was being pressed by Islamic radicals associated with al Qaeda.  By the time Susan Rice went on those TV talk shows the whole story had been modified – by the White House – to a narrative about demonstrations over a You Tube video.
            It’s just that simple.  Our intelligence agencies created a set of talking points about the Benghazi attacks that clearly pointed out that it was preplanned and carried about by Islamic radicals associated with al Qaeda.  Over a series of meetings with Hillary Clinton’s State Department and 0bama’s White House the lie about protests over a video that almost nobody had ever seen.
            This is your president.  Barack 0bama.  Deliberately lying to the American people in order to protect his reelection chances.  This is 0bama deliberately lying to the American people, and the world, in order to cover up for Islamic radicals killing American diplomats and soldiers.  This is 0bama deliberately lying to the American people so that they won’t clearly understand how ineffective and dangerous his foreign policy vis-à-vis the Middle East has been  This is 0bama lying to the American people to derail stories about his administration ignoring warnings of Islamic terrorist attacks.  This is 0bama showing America what so many of us knew him to be when he ran for office the first time
            But in spite of the certain knowledge of 0bama’s actions here, it will all come to nothing.  Yes, certain elements of the media are actually realizing the danger presented by 0bama, but movement in that direction is very slow.  There is no telling how much additional damage 0bama can bring about through his arrogant, narcissistic incompetence.  A rational person has grave concerns about whether or not this country can survive Barack 0bama.
VIOLENCE IN MEXICO
            Did you pick up on this gem over the weekend.  Once again 0bama travels to a foreign country and blames their problems on … America!  Of course!  From the Middle East to Mexico, the United States is the cause of the suffering of most of the people of the world.
            Now in Mexico 0bama chose to blame the violent crime brought to the people of Mexico by their own drug lords and gangs on …. GUNS!  Guns from America!  That’s right!  It’s not the drug cartels who are doing all the killing, it’s the guns!  And those guns came from the United States.
            Can you believe the arrogance of this tool?  He and his corrupt attorney general, Eric Holder, cook up this Fast & Furious program where gun dealers in America, principally Arizona, are encouraged to sell guns to people whom they know will immediately take them to Mexico.  The guns are sold … by the thousands … and they end up being used to kill innocent Mexicans and at least one U.S. Border Patrol agent.  0bama then stonewalls the investigation into his Fast & Furious program. And then what?  He goes to Mexico and blames the violence the people there are living with on guns from America!
            What amazing and profound arrogance!
DON’T FEAR A TYRANNICAL GOVERNMENT
            Finally we have 0bama delivering a commencement speech.  I would be massively disappointed if I went through the four years necessary to graduate from college and then had to listen to this despot at my commencement.  But there was 0bama telling the graduates that they should ignore those telling them to fear a tyrannical government.
            Really?
            0bama effectively seizes about 16% of the U.S. economy with 0bamaCare.
            0bama tells you that at some point you just have to admit that you’ve made enough money.
            0bama’s corrupt attorney general tells state governments that no matter what laws they may pass, the federal government is by God going to enforce the laws it wants to enforce the way it wants to enforce them and the states can essentially go screw themselves.
            0bama tells you that he wants to take more of the money you’ve earned because you have it and you don’t need it.
            If you protest giving up more of your earnings to the government 0bama tells you that you are greedy.
            0bama waits for the opportune moment – after reelection and after a lunatic goes on a killing spree – to make his move against your right to arm yourself for self-defense.
            0bama goes on a regulatory spree that causes great entrepreneurs like Bernie Marcus (Home Depot) to say that they could not duplicate their achievements under today’ government, and that have all but killed small business startups in the United States.
            And this same 0bama tells college graduates not to fear a tyrannical government?  Government under 0bama has grown to the point where these college grads are going to have a tougher time than almost any class before them finding a job and becoming successful – all because of government – and there’s 0bama telling these grads what a wonderful friend the federal government is going to be to them?
            Aren’t you so glad you sat out the election and didn’t vote?  It was turnout in the end that gave us four more years of 0bama you know.  Are you proud of the role you played there?
AND THEN THERE’S PIGFORD
            Yeah  … I’m late to the Pigford pig sty, but I think I have the basics here.  Here’s a general idea of how the Pigford debacle developed … enough to give you an idea of how bad this situation was.

1. In the ‘80s and ‘90s black farmers were systematically discriminated against by the USDA when they sought loans for their farms.
2. A class action lawsuit (Pigford v. Glickman) was filed on behalf of black farmers asking for damages due to the discrimination in lending practices.
3. The lawsuit resulted in a settlement in which farmers who could show discrimination were awarded $50,000.
4. Eventually there were more $50,000 awards to black farmers than there are black farmers.  Somehow this doesn’t seem proper.
5. Some charlatans started encouraging blacks; old and young, farmers and not farmers, to apply for their $50,000 Pigford checks.  Some blacks were told that these were reparations checks for slavery.
6. Some black churches would instruct parishioners how to fill out the paperwork so that they could get their own $50,000 checks and then, of course, share that money with the church.
7. Some urban families who had never even seen a farm animal in real life were getting $50,000 checks for each one of their children.
8. Yes .. 0bama had a role in this, having voted for PigfordII when he was a Senator.
9. This Pigford situation is so absurd that even … now get this … even The New York Times reported on it!

Of course every single person who defrauded the taxpayers by applying for and getting one of these Pigford checks should be prosecuted for fraud and should have to pay back the money.  Ain’t gonna happen, of course, ‘cause that would be raaaaaaacist!
LATEST GLOBAL WARMING SCARE
      You could become a hooker.
      There .. you got that?  Global warming could cause you to start charging for tang.   Never knew that, did you?
      Well … apparently some brilliant Democrats in the House of Representatives want the House to pass a resolution “recognizing” that global warming is hurting women more than it is men and that, as a result, some women could be driven to engage in “transactional sex.”  That means prostitution, in case you haven’t figured that out.
      Did I say brilliant Democrats?  Well … we all know there are not that many brilliant Democrats in the House, so who do you think came up with this gem?  How about Barbara Lee?  Not only is she a Democrat – but she’s a Democrat from California, a particularly challenged species.  Among female California Democrats we have the likes of Maxine Waters, Barbara Boxer and, of course, Nancy Pelosi.  I don’t think any of these women have to worry about this particular threat from global warming.

BILL OF NO RIGHTS

We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy.

You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and kill you.

You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to *pursue* happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

Happy Cinco de Mayo

As a child I thought Cinco de Mayo was just an excuse for my neighbor to get drunk and chase us off his property with sticks.  But it turns out there’s much more to this rich Latin holiday than chile rellenos and cervesa and bruises and blood.   Cinco de Mayo is a grand Mexican celebration of mayonnaise.  Mayonnaise has a rich history in Mesoamerica going back over 4000 years. Here are some little known facts about Mesoamerica and its love of mayo.

• Mayo was invented and embraced originally by the Olmecs, mainly because the cuisine in ancient Mesoamerica sucked.
• The Olmec civilization ultimately disappeared due to widespread food poisoning acquired from improper refrigeration/storage of the newly invented mayo. Most considered it a worthwhile tradeoff.
• Because of the importance of mayo to the culture, the Maya were originally called the Mayo; however, the first person to write the name made a typographical error. Since this predated white-out by several centuries, the error was irreversible.
• Anyone in Mexico found using Miracle Whip on Cinco de Mayo is summarily executed, chopped up, made into heretic-salad sandwiches and consumed by the angry masses.
• When the Spaniards were first greeted by the Aztecs and Incas, the natives served them mayo. Since the Spaniards took great pride in the belief that they had been the first culture to invent mayo, the natives and all traces of their mayo industry had to be wiped out. The search for gold was just a hastily devised cover up. Ironically enough, the French are now credited with the invention of mayo.
• The Mayan culture of warfare originally began as a means of conquering societies for their emulsion technologies. Ancient pictographs have been discovered depicting activists with signs that translate roughly to: No blood for mayo. Later pictographs depict the activists being chopped up and made into activist-salad sandwiches.
• Modern Mexicans are often seen slathering themselves in mayo. This serves to both insulate them from the cold Gulf waters and assist them in slipping underneath the border fence. This is where the term greasy Mexican was derived. (I’m sorry. That was terribly racist. It’s OK. Most of my best friends are greasy. If any of you feel offended, stick your head in a big pile of… I mean, feel free to send me hate mail slaked with anti-white slurs).
• One should note that mayo is never served in Mexican restaurants. This is because the greedy Mexicans horde it for themselves. (It’s OK. Most of my best friends are greedy).
• Subway is the only chain committed to serving only Mexican-safe mayo along with their dolphin-safe tuna. Regardless of the environmental lobbying, the other chains refuse to make the change claiming that mayo just tastes better with a little Mexican in it.  (Note for the home cooks: I know how to set you up with a little Mexican.  Call me for details).

This Land is Their Land

I started looking into that new immigration bill the Democrats and Marco Rubio are putting together, and I don’t think it is really as advertised.  I found some rather interesting provisions that they seem to be keeping hush hush about.  Provisions like these:

• A provision requires putting legal aliens in a melting pot until tender.
• The citizenship test for those requesting amnesty include sections on bomb making and the fundamentals of Sharia Law.
• The Fast and Furious program will be expanded to provide guns to Mexican American drug dealers.
• Amnesty comes with free registration in the union of your choice.
• ACORN will be in charge of organizing communities and voter registration for all new immigrants.
• Regarding voter registration for new citizens, proof of life is optional.
• Texas and all its proceeds will now be a fully owned subsidiary of Tijuana.
• A new, less offensive National Anthem will be composed and performed by Brad Paisley and LL Cool J.
• New labor laws will include a mandated daily paid siesta.
• All illegal aliens, regardless of ethnicity, will be given a $500,000 settlement as reparations for the Mexican-American War.
• Amnesty will not be considered for undocumented French Canadians.  Into the melting pot with them.
• The bill establishes a separate, lower minimum wage for landscaping and housekeeping jobs.
• Maybe it’s an error, but the sketch of the proposed border wall, drawn on a paper napkin, indicates that the wall will be 16” tall. 
• Amnesty comes with a get out of jail free card redeemable at the federal or state correctional facility of your choice.
• Lastly, cock fighting is finally legal.

I am Joe - Rubio

I am Joe.

I am scared again.  There was a knock at the door and it was one of those unlegal Americans.  I told him we already had a lawn mower but there was a Taco Bell down the street.  But he said No no I have a pointment with the Boss.  Me llamo Marco Rubio.  I slammed the door fast and ran and hid in my closet.

I have heard of Marco Rubio.  I have heard that he has a baby face.  Lisa says it is true.  She says that he keeps it in his sock drawer and he pulls it out and pets it when he gets lonely.  Sometimes he wears it.  She said he wants an old man face too.  I don’t want him to put my face in his sock drawer and pet it when he is lonely.

I heard Boss and Missus Boss and Aunt Nancy let him in.  They must not know him.  I have to save them, I thought.  I bet he doesn’t have a clean, articulate face or a bitter, old black nanny face or a rictus Botox face yet either.  I got down the Halloween box and put on the Fidel beard and the Spanish Conquistador costume to scare him back.  I snucked out of my closet.  I could hear them talk.  They were talking about anchor babies.  That man is a monster.  Who would make an anchor out of a baby?  Oh, yeah cause they can’t swim.  But he is still a monster. I runned back away.

I am not coming out of my closet until he goes away.

I am Joe.

A Little Perspective for Jay Carney

The murder of four people including an American Ambassador in Benghazi on September 11, 2012, was an event we won't forget soon.  After 7 months of continuing  efforts to find out what happened and what the administration did or didn't do at the time, yesterday (May 1) Jay Carney informed us that Benghazi happened a "long time ago".  In one sense I can understand why he would say that. 

Obviously this administration counted on the notion that by now this would have all faded into the background.  That hasn't happened, and the persistent questions that hang in the air haven't gone away.  It's been compounded by the obvious efforts at stonewalling requests for information, the mysterious sequestration of eyewitnesses, and the performance put on by Hillary Clinton, "what difference does it make?"  With all that going on, it must seem like a very long time indeed.  Technically due to the fact that there is still an active inquiry by members of congress, and that, like it or not, we will find out what this administration did and has been doing to conceal it all, the matter can't be correctly thought of in the past tense at all.  What might help Mr Carney is a little perspective on what the term "long time ago" means.  Here is a short list of events from the past that might help, Jay:   

 It's been a "long time" since:

   

  • The Roman Empire was founded  (753 BC)

  • We discovered fire  (Apr 3, 100,000 BC)

  • The first time some idiot set himself on fire  (Apr 4, 100,000 BC)

  • They invented trains  (1803)

  • The civil war ended  (1865)

  • The Chicago Cubs won the World Series (1908)

  • Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin  (1928)

  • Jackie Robinson made his debut in MLB (1947)

  • Hopalong Cassidy died  (1972)

  • Anybody wanted to know what Rosy O'Donell
       thought about anything  (1980)

Also, yesterday our Secretary of State John Kerry said, on a related note:  we need to "demythologize" Benghazi.  Or something.

Obama Sure Knows How to Pick ‘Em

So Obama’s nominee to head the Federal Housing Finance Agency, Mel Watt, once said that white people need to be excluded from democracy because you just have to assume that they’re too racist to vote for a black person. And black people are superior to whites in that they never vote on racial reasons.
You notice how it’s getting really hard these days to tell people fighting against racism from huge stupid racists?
You know, back in the day, racist knew they were racist. People would be like, “Oh yeah, I don’t like minorities.” Nowadays, I don’t think the big racist even know they’re racists. In fact, I think the biggest racist now are the ones who think they’re fighting racism. It’s kinda sad. And I think the only solution is to shun them from society as huge idiots and then mock the dummies like Obama who tolerate them.

You’ll Get Your Religious Freedom After We Murder You

So there was a poll to see how prevalent some extremists attitudes are in Muslim countries, and as for the number of Muslims who think anyone who leaves Islam should be executed, it’s a shockingly large number in many countries. And as Allahpundit pointed out, they didn’t even poll Saudi Arabia in this, so this isn’t even a complete picture of the problem. Also, going by those numbers, there hasn’t to be a decent overlap in some of those countries of people who believe in “religious freedom” and “killing apostates,” so you kinda have to wonder what they think religious freedom means.
Kazakhstan had the smallest number of respondents support murdering people who leave Islam with only a couple percent for it, and I would assume that even fewer Muslims in the U.S. support that… but I hope someone is making sure. Not really a compatible belief with this country.
BTW, try Christianity. We believe so much you’ll like our religion, we won’t even threaten to kill you if you try to leave. That’s a get your life back guarantee!