The Name Game

Opened the paper and found that the big hospital across the river  in Florida reports fifty-six births from between  October 25 and November 12.  60%, thirty-three, are born to parents who’ve eschewed those tired old conventions and mores about marriage BEFORE children.  Six new mommies had seven children between them without even bothering to remember who the baby daddy is.

Let’s just take the plunge together, shall we?

Jeffery J. & Amber L. tag a daughter with Payton Kamora.  Ain’t a ‘kamora’ one of those fish with the sucker on its head?  Oh, that’s a ‘remora’, you say?  Okay, that makes it ALL better.

Billy B. & Menka(!) J. triple up on a son, little Javarian Raikhai Lee.

Kane & Tiffany K. produce a son, Avin Wolf.  Manly name, “Wolf”.  Daughter’s gonna be named “Shih-tzu”.

Another triple shows up when Marcus N. & Melodie D. tag their daughter with Kynslie Zaniya Marie.

Donovan D. & Megan P. like the letter “C” so their son, like de daddy, get’s two of ‘em.  We meet little Caden Chase.

D’Anthony G. & Entoria(!) R. name a daughter for a clan of profligate drunken woman-abusers and one of the women they used so we meet little Kennadee Monroe.

Hilario V. & Jennifer G. apostrophicate a daughter, little J’Lynn Dalice.

Michael & Latisha(!) T. contrive two names for their daughter, little Aiya Lenae.

Another apostrophe finds a home as David R. ‘n’ Brandi (with an “i”!) L. present little Ad’ve Gracyn.

Tossing another apostrophe into nominative service, Templeton(!) G.  & Brittany G. (not the same surnames)  do their daughter as Ma’Kyla Rose.

Kurt C. & Destini(with an “i”!) present their daughter, little Eden Khalyse.

Justin N. & Railey(!) M. tag a daughter with Raylynn, “‘Cuz she’s, like, BOTH of us, yaknow?”

Miss Syrita M.  has to work overtime to come up with suitable names for twins because there’s no baby daddy around to help her.  We meet little girl Ar’manii Rose and little boy A’Vonte D’Quan.  Hillary’s ‘village’?  It’ll be raising these two.

Gregory D. & Ty’esha(!) G. show us what true nominative innovation can do with their son, little Ty’Rahji Ther’Nell.

Miss Brittney J.  has a baby girl and a place to show that she’s unique, just like everybody else.  Meet little Aniya McKell.

Christopher & Leslie H. know that the proper use of punctuation in a name shows that they and their son are people of distinction, so he starts out as Jeffery J’Quinton.

Miss Eboni(!) Y. shows that she is truly a woman of taste and sophistication by the way she names her daughter, little Bhailee Evonne.

Zachary & Jessi L. triple up on their son, little Colby Ray Vic.

Preston ‘n’ Lacey M. tag their daughter with Paisley.  Continuing in this vein, can we expect future offspring to be Plaid and Houndstooth?

Damon & Natalie Y. present their little son, Dayne (needs an extra letter, don’tcha think, Hon?) Justus, because it’s just us, yaknow?

Devonte(!) G. & Kiara(! – like ‘tiara’, ‘cept with a ‘k) M.do a son up with Lyric Marcel.

David ‘n’ Kate G. tag their daughter with Emma Aleksandra, because ‘ks’ is sooo much more sophisticated than ‘x’, yahknow!

Don’t you just feel so much better about the future of our country now?  I will finish savoring my morning coffee.