Flag Day: 15 Fun Facts About the American Flag

Although most people know today is Flag Day (except for hippies, liberals, and other people who run no risk of ever facing an IRS audit), not everyone is fully up to speed on the wonderousness that is the American flag.
Good thing you’ve got me around to upgrade your sub-standard knowledge base:
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Much like being struck down by Darth Vader, if an American flag bites you, you shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

1) The American flag was invented in 1777 by Betsy Ross. At the time, the flag of the fledgling nation had only 13 stars because the rich wouldn’t pay their fair share to buy more.
2) America is the only country that’s ever changed its flag voluntarily, instead of being forced to change after being conquered by maple leaves like a bunch of cowardly weaklings [*looks north, spits*]
3) In 1795, flag designers intended to put extra stripes (alternating red and white) for each new state. The futility of this plan was pointed out in Benjamin Franklin’s satirical picture book, “Where’s Flagdo?”
4) Even after the South seceded from the Union, President Lincoln would not allow any star to be removed from the American flag, although he briefly considered replacing Confederate state stars with bright orange 1969 Dodge Chargers with “01″ door decals.
5) The current 50-star version of the American flag has remained unchanged for 52 years now, the longest of any design. We will never have a 51st state, since 3 rows of 17 stars would just look dumb.
6) In a fight between an American flag and Aquaman, a DC Comics writer would get repeatedly punched in the face for coming up with yet another stupid, unpatriotic plot line.
7) The colors of the American flag each have their own meaning. Red is for Valor, white is for Purity, and blue is for Justice. Most true Americans, however, agree that there is an invisible fourth color called “Sfik,” which represents how much better America is than other countries.
8) When displaying an American flag, it should always be lighted. Acceptable light sources include sunlight, halogen bulbs, and rockets’ red glare.
9) When folded properly, the American flag is shaped like a triangle with only the stars showing. Folded improperly, the only stars you can see are the ones around your head after you get the beating you so righteously deserve for screwing it up.
10) When an honor-worthy American dies, the flag is lowered to half-staff out of respect. When President Obama dies, expect to see a week of nationwide double-staffing.
11) It’s generally considered unpatriotic to buy an American flag unless it’s actually made in America. However it really doesn’t matter where the flag was originally made, as long as it eventually flies over the bullet-riddled corpses of our enemies.
12) While the French flag has the same colors as the American flag, it is still deemed technically inferior, since they only ever actually use the white part.
13) The only time you should burn an American flag is when it can’t be fixed or if becomes dirty beyond cleaning. For example, when it has touched the ground or a hippie.
14) A common nickname for the American flag is “Old Glory.” Ditto Gloria Steinem.
15) Although most American flags are made from cotton, scientists agree that the best American flags are made from the bark of the Tree of Liberty, the roots of which must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants.
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And remember, if you see an American flag flying upside down, it means someone’s in distress. Or that they missed that Sesame Street episode about “top” and “bottom

Where are the Snowdens of Yesteryear?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we live in a house divided.

I think it is pretty clear at this point that the (whether-duly-elected-or-not) actual in-fact current President of these United States is a traitor who has conspired and collaborated with America's enemies - namely but not limited to Al-Qaeda, because we're talking both "foreign" and "domestic" enemies here.

This is a bit bigger than First Lieutenant Milo Minderbinder bombing his own squadron at Pianosa (if you haven't heard about that, don't worry - you didn't miss a memo, you missed a fantastic book and/or a fine movie), and that it is entirely possible our laws are not up to the task of solving this problem.

It has been said before, by people far wiser than me, that our country can survive anything but treason - and various smart guys (and likely gals too) have been saying this from our very founding.

So what's next?

Well, just to backtrack a bit, today's (Sunday, June 9, 2013) press epileptic fit* is brought to you courtesy of 29-year-old executive spooksperson Edward Snowden, (there's a huge "Catch-22" double entendre there, but I'm going to skip it for the moment) who decided:

"The government has granted itself power it is not entitled to. There is no public oversight. The result is people like myself have the latitude to go further than they are allowed to."

He skipped out to Hong Kong, then leaked some carefully chosen (I'm taking his word on this) NSA documents to The Guardian, the general gist of which is an announcement which states, in part (I'm summarizing, of course):

"NSA TO ALL AMERICANS: What 4th Amendment? We OWN You. We're In Charge. We Can Ruin You. We Can Watch You Type. We Can Watch Ideas Form In Your Mind. We Can Even Falsely Plant Onto Your Computer Rude Material Keln Probably Doesn't Want Spelled Out In Detail Because Of The Family Nature Of This Blog But Please Understand We're Reallly Really Good At Doing This Kind Of Thing And It Definitely Involves People Who Have Not Reached The Legal Age Of Consent - Not Even In Louisiana, Even Between Cousins - Having Unmentionable Acts Inflicted Upon Them By Unspeakably Evil People. Someone Must Be Slacking - I Can't Believe We Let You Finish Typing All That!"

Which, of course, made me wonder: "Is this Snowden guy essentially some kind of civil libertarian hero for exposing the massive NSA underhandedness, OR is he a player/pawn in the ongoing scandalanche apparently meant to distract from Benghazi and the (IMHO very likely) apparent high-treason committed by our country's highest office holder?  Or both?"  And then, of course, I had to start Googling "Catch-22" quotes because it has been a horrendous number of decades since I last read the thing, and besides it's odds-on the NSA already knows I like the book...

MEANWHILE over at Breitbart, there's an interesting side-issue brewing:

A senior Senate staffer agreed telling Breitbart News, "Senators and staff all use Verizon phones. So the executive branch is monitoring the meta data of the Senate. This seems like a violation of the Speech and Debate Clause of the Constitution."

Really, dude, ya think?

The clue here seems to be that Obama would RATHER have to fight this battle than have people delve into the whole Benghazi mess.

Which brings me back to the topic at hand, and if you've forgotten what that is here's a reminder:  A House Divided Cannot Stand.

If there's a big calamitous crash-n-burn in our society, which frankly seems to be scheduled and in fact rushing toward us, the historical norm would be for numerous disparate groups to rally around various strong-man type leaders, "Road to Serfdom"-style. 

This will happen. I obviously don't know when, or to what degree, but it will happen.

AT THAT POINT it will be vitally important to act like - TO BE AMERICANS.  To be the "Exception" which defines "American Exceptionalism". It will be important to stand up and say:

"NO!  We are going to return to our founding principles, and we - within our lifetimes - will NOT allow the Marxists, the statists, the totalitarians, to seize power again!
And we will teach our children the same.
And we will teach our children to shoot."

The question that matters is - will we win?

Despite being better armed, more disciplined, and far more ethical, we have one gigantic disadvantage - and it is a disadvantage I feel we cannot abandon while remaining true to ourselves. It is this:

We are lawful.

We're the ones who want to change the system by working through the system, not by burning it all down.

We are law-abiders. We are law-keepers.

And look who we've now got creating, controlling, and interpreting our laws.

Our enemies know they have us on the horns of this dilemma.

I don't have a ready-made solution.  Feel free to offer suggestions as to what you think are valid and ethical courses of action, because our country is in bigger trouble than any of us - including me - currently know.

---

Title Reference: 
I've always been a fan of Joseph Heller's "Catch-22".  Edward Snowden apparently doesn't expect to see his family again, or probably even survive.  In "Catch-22" a young airman named Snowden is killed in the main character Yossarian's plane while they were on a bombing mission. Yossarian came out "covered in Snowden".
It would be an understatement to say this impacts the entire narrative action re: Yossarian - but there... I said it.

To quote from the Urban Dictionary (in its entirety for this entry except where edited for family-friendliness):

"Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?"
   
A question posed by Yossarian in Joseph Heller’s Catch-22 to find out why so many people were working so hard to kill him.

This seemingly rhetorical question is what one asks when one feels that everyone else is asking stupid questions and one wants to join in and/or point out how obviously stupid their questions are. Or, merely, because one wants to find out why so many people are working so hard to kill oneself.

Yossarian was a collector of good questions and had used them to disrupt the educational sessions Clevinger had once conducted two nights a week in Captain Black's intelligence tent with the corporal in eyeglasses who everybody knew was probably a subversive. Captain Black knew he was a subversive because he wore eyeglasses and used words like panacea and utopia, and because he disapproved of Adolf Hitler, who had done such a great job of combating unAmerican activities in Germany.

Yossarian attended the education sessions because he wanted to find out why so many people were working so hard to kill him. A handful of other men were also interested, and the questions were many and good when Clevinger and the subversive corporal finished and made the mistake of asking if there were any.

“Who is Spain?”

“Why is Hitler?”

“When is right?”

“Where was that stooped and mealy-colored old man I used to call poppa when the merry-go-round broke down?”

“How was Trump at Munich?”

“Hi-ho beriberi!”

and all rang out in rapid succession, and then there was Yossarian with the question that had no answer:

“Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?”

 * No disrespect is intended towards actual sufferers of epilepsy - I use the term in the figurative sense only.

What Scandals Could Possibly Be Left

So Scandalanche continues unabated. We thought we hit the tail end of it, and then we find out about the mass phone monitoring and now the mass internet monitoring. For all I know, the government could be coming in here and editing my posts. [We don't do that. -NSA]
This stuff is so bad, the New York Times(!) actually said, “The administration has now lost all credibility.” Man, I thought nothing short of Obama personally murdering the families of the NYTimes staff could get them to condemn him, but apparently there is a limit.
Except, the NYTimes has walked it back a bit and changed the line to “The administration has now lost all credibility on this issue.” Well, for one of the most mindlessly partisan organizations out there, baby steps.
So what’s left? There can’t be more scandals, can there? It doesn’t seem like this is ending, though. So here’s some guesses on what the next scandal will be:
POSSIBLE NEXT SCANDALS FOR OBAMA
* Despite him not being a U.S. citizen, Obama attempted to audit the pope.
* Obama briefly joined al Qaeda with his buddy Bill Ayers.
* Obama threatened to bomb Australia if they wouldn’t give him a pet koala.
* Obama’s job council is really just his Choom Gang reunion.
* Sandra Fluke is just Obama in a wig and makeup.
* Any time Obama visits Mexico, he works as a coyote on the way back.
* To balance the numbers on the Affordable Care Act, Obama looked into reinstating slavery.
* Part of Obama’s 2012 fundraising was selling nuclear secrets to North Korea.
* All major decisions in the administration are made by Joe Biden, or, if he’s unavailable, a baby hedgehog.
* All the intelligence leaks are from Obama’s split personality, Amabo.
* Obama founded the Black Eyed Peas.

For a Pocketfull of Mumbles

Darrel Issa recently said that Jay Carney is a "paid liar"….I wish he wouldn't make such unfounded statements.  There's no actual proof that I'm aware of that Mr. Carney gets paid anything.

If he is paid actual money for being a liar, it raises all kinds of questions.  

For instance, I wonder whether he gets paid:

    •  By the lie

    •  By the number of times he has to change the lie

    •  By the magnitude of the crime he's lying about

    •  Would he get paid by the hour, or what?  

    •  Maybe he gets paid on some kind of scale that increases the more     imagination he has to use?               

    •  Does he get some kind of bonus for lying about lying?  

    •  Is there some kind of trade union for this line of work?  Something like the 
       IBOPL?

    •  Is there some kind of secret handshake for liars?  If there was would he lie
       about it?

    •  Can you copyright a lie?

    •  Does he get paid royalties if somebody else repeats the lie?

    •  Could he copyright the phrase: "To Carney Up"? 

The guy ought to be a millionaire by now.

I Swear I'm Not Racist

Recently I was eating dinner with friends at the best restaurant named for a sailor with a speech impediment and a rail thin girlfriend that another mentally handicapped man keeps trying to steal away.

If you still didn't pick up what I was layin down, I was at Popeyes fried chicken. When I hit my second piece like Jay Carney hits his CIA approved talking points I realized something. Barack Obama is a lot like fried chicken. When you see both of them your mouth starts to water and they are all you think about, but once you get inside, you realize its not really that good. You only really like the crispy skin.

 

 

At least I'm assuming his skin is crispy. For some reason he's never returned my letters asking him about it, and what his hair smells like. What a jerk!

To the uneducated this may sound like I'm being racist because I just compared a black man to fried chicken, but I have to remind you that he's half white, and I'm almost all white... so he and I have more in common than me and Al Sharpton. So that's something right?

All I'm sayin, is if you're an Obama supporter out there. Do you actually like fried chicken, or just the crispy part. If you're like me, you know the answer.

 

Also, I don't like Obama at all, I just wanted to be as racist sounding as possible. I think its my new thing.

 

Obama in the Time of Clinton

So Bill Clinton thought Obama was “incompetent” before Obama’s reelection. Thanks for the heads up, dude!
I never got the feeling that Bill Clinton had the country’s well-being at the top of his list of priorities… but it was somewhere on the list at least. Below him getting reelected, of course. And since he made a deal with the incompetent Obama to help Hillary, I guess it’s below getting his wife elected — which is kind of sweet. Of course, who knows what Hillary has on Bill.
For Obama, though, it’s never seemed like the country’s well-being made his short list. He’s got his political future, his inept attempts at a legacy, all his big left-wing schemes he’s trying to push through — but all the stuff really affecting this country like the economy, jobs, and gas prices have never been able to get his attention for very long. Of course, I wonder how Obama would have done in the more frivolous times of the Bill Clinton presidency. With that un-burst dot com bubble, we were just hemorrhaging money for a while. That’s a situation when people are probably more willing to focus on silly liberal ideas as they don’t have real problems to contend with — but also feeling less like they need big new government programs. Still, the lesson of Bill Clinton is that Democrats do best when we don’t have actual problems to deal with. It’s like a Chihuahua is fine if you’re not worried about home security — useless and annoying as it is — but you don’t put it in charge of guarding a junkyard.

We Will Get Our Answers

Know what I love about our massive government? When something goes wrong, it’s so easy to find out who was behind it.
But seriously, everyone in the IRS seems to be refusing to answer where the orders to target the Tea Party came from. Well, I’ll tell you what to do. These are government employees. When they were given power over others in the government, this should have been balanced out by a lost of some of their rights, i.e., it should be perfectly okay to take them in a back room and waterboard them until they tell us absolutely everything. I mean, really, you think you in the IRS can just forcefully take my money and then not owe me straight answers to absolutely every question asked of your job? I want all that information squeezed out of them through any means necessary and then have them deported to a special colony in Antarctica where we never have to look at any of them ever again.
Of course, you know what the Democrats’ answer to all this is: We need to give the IRS more money. Yes, we just need to throw money at them and hope that works as a bribe to stop them from trampling our rights. And similarly, we need to make sure we give muggers more money so maybe they’ll stop brutalizing us.
Sorry, there is only one thing they should get more of: beatings. If they think they can wield the power of the government against us and not be answerable to us in the United States of America, then I say no mercy for them. If I don’t soon hear the anguished cries of IRS employees, then are elected officials are useless.