Know Thy Enemy: Koch Brothers

Liberals are always going on and on about the Koch brothers. Even Aaron Sorkin in his parody of liberalism, Newsroom, recently went on and on about how the Koch brothers are behind the Tea Party and all other evil. But what do we really know about them? I sent my crack research staff to uncover all they could about these Koch brothers.
FUN FACTS ABOUT THE KOCH BROTHERS
* The names of the two brothers are Moloch and Baal.
* There is no actual evidence they are actually brothers. Or human.
* They have billions of dollars, mainly made by turning cute puppies into nuclear waste that they then dumped on orphans.
* They use their billions of dollars to make people against government using mind control rays, brainwashing, and think tanks.
* No one is actually against government spending, so the Tea Party is composed entirely of paid actors. Paid actors we’re quite certain will turn violent any day now.
* The three main motivations behind the Koch brothers are evil, pure evil, and double evil.
* No one ever self-identified as a conservative before the Koch brothers and their insidious money. If you think you were a conservative all your life, that’s just a false memory the Koch brothers implanted in your head using money.
* The Koch brothers had tricked liberals into thinking George W. Bush was behind every bad thing ever, but it is in fact the Koch brothers. And sometimes Palin.
* Don’t turn around; there’s a Koch brother behind you right now with money ready to influence you, and if you even look at him you’ll want small government.
* Half the thoughts in your head were put there by the Koch brothers’ money.
* If you find yourself surrounded by the Koch brothers and their money, then it’s too late for you. You probably already think government spending is too high.
* In a battle between the Koch brothers and Aquaman, Aquaman would be influenced by the Koch brothers’ evil money and join the Tea Party even though he used to love taxes.
* Everyone would think all the ideas of liberals are great if it weren’t for Koch brothers money. The fact that right now you’re thinking of punching liberals in their dumb, monkey faces is just the influence of their money. Fight their money influence; you can do it!
* KOCH BROTHERS!!!1!!111!!eleventy!!1!!
FULL DISCLOSURE: This post was paid for by the Koch brothers.