How to Get Out of Jury Duty

* Come to the courthouse dressed as a gay cowboy eating pudding.
* Ask if all of your personalities get a vote.
* No habla inlges, usted.
* Oh no, I can be fair and impartial. I hate all races equally.
* Wink at the defendant and whisper, “Call me.”
* Quote Matthew 7:1 and claim you aren’t allowed to judge based upon your religious convictions.
* Oh yeah, I can tell if someone’s guilty just by looking at their aura.
* Look at the defendant and say, “Dude. We missed you at the 10 year reunion.”
* Answer all questions in the dark language of Mordor.
* Tell the lawyers that your favorite movie is The Runaway Jury.
* On the jury questionnaire under political preference list: anarchist.
* I would be loving to be serve on this jury of the infidel. Allahu akbar. Sharia. I brought my own stones.
* Approach the defendant with open arms. “Come here you. It looks like you just didn’t get enough hugs as a child.”
* Heads guilty. Tails innocent.
* Point at the prosecuting attorney, “Remember that day you found out you passed the bar. Man, I have never seen you so stoned.”
* Before we get started, let me review for you all the prime directive.
* Glare at the judge and remark stoically, “I know what you did. The angels told me so.”

Before You Can Create Jobs, You Need Businesses

We’ve heard it countless times, “In order to grow our economy we need jobs!” Jobs are great, but they are only part of the equation. Jobs only exist because there are businesses that need human capitol in order to produce a product. So in order to create jobs, we need businesses … are you with me so far? This isn’t rocket surgery. So the role of government in creating jobs should essentially be to protect our rights and enforce our system of laws, which allow for businesses to operate in a free and open market. But as we know, that’s not the case in the United States, as government rules and regulations become more onerous by the day. How onerous? Let me give you an idea of how businesses are feeling in the ObamaEconomy ….

• 67% felt there is too much uncertainty in the market today to expand, grow, or hire new workers.
• 69% of small business owners and manufacturers say President Obama’s Executive Branch and regulatory policies have hurt American small businesses and manufacturers.
• 55% say they would not start a business today, given what they know now and in the current environment.
• 54% say other countries like China and India are more supportive of their small businesses and manufacturers than the United States.

Here are a few more goodies in the ObamaEconomy …

• Nearly half of U.S. chief financial officers are more pessimistic about their companies’ prospects this quarter, according to a survey released Wednesday.

• The Health Insurance Tax (HIT) on fully-insured premium markets imposed by Obamacare could raise $87 billion over the next ten years and also cost between 125,000 and 249,000 jobs by 2021, according to a study.

• The share of payroll employees ages 18 to 64 working in low-wage jobs rose from 23.8 percent in 2001 to 31.2 percent last year. That’s a more than a 30 percent rise in the proportion of such workers, according to this report.

Considering all of these reports and studies and polls, is it any wonder why jobs are scarcely being created in the ObamaEconomy? And yet people in that CBS poll I quoted in the other Nuze item shows that most people feel that Obama would be better for our economy than Mitt Romney in almost every measurable category?

About those Values Mr. Vice President

This truly cannot be said enough so I decided to cover this information again. Last month Vice President Biden made the following comment:

“And, by the way, I’ve been saying this for 30 years. And I’m glad to see that Congressman Ryan likes his dad, too, and quotes his dad. I mean that sincerely. But my dad [had] a lot of wisdom. Every time someone tells you, say, ‘Look, let me tell you what’s important to me, what I value.’ My dad would go, ‘No, no. Don’t tell me what you value. Show me your budget, and I will tell you what you value.’”

So lets take a look at The Vice President values charity:

Adjusted
Gross Income Charity

1998 $215,432 $195

1999 $210,797 $120

2000 $219,953 $360

2001 $220,712 $360

2002 $227,811 $260

2003 $231,375 $260

2004 $234,271 $380

2005 $321,379 $380

2006 $248,459 $380

2007 $319,853 $995

2008 $269,256 $1885

2009 $333,182 $4820

2010 $379,178 $5350

2011 $379,035 $5540

Total $3,810,693 $21,285

For a grand total of .005%

 

The average for the Romney family is 13.45%.

So what is that value Mr. Vice President? It certainly isn't charitable giving.

The Obama's were very stingy with charitable giving as well, that is until he decided to run for public office on the federal level. They could afford a $2 million home, but not too much for charity. I hope that his charitable giving stays at current levels or increases once he leaves the presidency, as he will be making millions and millions per year once he does.

Fun Facts About the 50 States: Maryland

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, it’s time to take a wrong turn at the Washington Monument and accidentally wind up in Maryland, so let’s get started…
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The state flag of Maryland is best described as, “a Picasso painting of a checkerboard as interpreted by Andy Warhol while very drunk and standing on one leg.”

* Maryland became the 7th state on April 28th, 1788 after it finally agreed to stop trying to invade Delaware to steal its oil.
* The state bird of Maryland is the Oriole, which should NOT be confused with any similarly-named, chocolate-flavored, creme-filled sandwich cookies.
* The state flower of Maryland is the Black-Eyed Susan, or – as it’s referred to by feminists – the “Justifiable Homicide Plant”.
* The highest point in Maryland is Backbone Mountain. It’s 3360 feet tall, and has never been climbed by a Frenchman.
* The state motto of Maryland is, “Yup, pretty much just a suburb of DC”.
* Maryland’s nickname of “The Old Line State” is somewhat of a misnomer, since most of its residents prefer to freebase their cocaine.
* Maryland was named after Henrietta Maria, wife of King Charles I of England. They WERE going to call is “Henriettaland”, but decided that sounded too much like some kind of pussycat-puppet-related theme park.
* The lowest point in Maryland is Bloody Point Hole, at 174 feet below sea level. It used to be deeper, but Karl Rove’s been using it a lot lately to dispose of “stifled dissenters”, if you know what I mean.
* Presidential assassin John Wilkes Booth was born in Bel Air, Maryland in 1838. Because of his high-profile crime, all US theaters now have “Marylander detectors” at each entrance as a security precaution.
* Famous abolitionist Frederick Douglass was born in Tuckahoe, Maryland, which – and I can’t emphasize this enough – starts with the letter “T”, so really watch that left index finger while you’re typing.
* Another famous abolitionist – Harriet Tubman – was born in Dorchester County, Maryland and freed over 300 slaves during 20 trips between Maryland and Pennsylvania. Today, many black people honor her heroic journeys by running up and down a wooden court for an hour, symbolically helping basketballs escape slavery by throwing them through “freedom hoops”.
* Gaithersburg, Maryland is home to the National Institute of Standards and Technology. It employs over 3000 pimply-faced geek-boys, none of whom have yet kissed a real girl.
* National Anthem author Francis Scott Key was born in Frederick, Maryland, where he spent his formative years blowing stuff up and writing poetry about the explosions.
* Baseball Hall-of-Famer Babe Ruth grew up in Baltimore, Maryland, and developed his legendary slugging prowess by working as a knee-cap breaker for local loan sharks.
* The United States Naval Academy was founded on October 10, 1845 at Annapolis, Maryland. Coincidentally, the United States Hooker Academy was founded across the street the next day.
* The first cathedral in the US was built in Baltimore, Maryland in 1821, mostly to clear the streets of the numerous drunken Irishmen passed out in the gutters.
* Annapolis, Maryland once served as the capital of the US, but the Congressional building was eventually moved to Washington, D.C. to make room for the United States Hooker Academy.
* The first dental school in the US opened at the University of Maryland in 1840. The early facilities were quite primitive, and the first class taught there was a course in how to make a set of dentures out of duct tape and roofing nails.
* The Concord Point lighthouse is the oldest continuously operated lighthouse in Maryland, because no one in the state is smart enough to figure out how to operate the light switch.
* Maryland was originally populated by confused colonists from Virginia who wandered too far north and got stuck in snowbanks.
* Kind of explains the light switch thing, doesn’t it?
* The highest waterfall in Maryland is Muddy Creek Falls. At 63 feet tall, it’s actually large enough for Michael Moore to fit underneath it, unless he’s laying on his back.
* In 1790 Maryland rounded up all the lawyers in the state and threw them into a fetid swamp near the southern border of the state, now known as Washington, D.C.
* The first successful manned hot air balloon launch occurred in Baltimore, Maryland in 1784. The pilot – Edward Warren – reportedly described his trip as “a great way to peek down the front of women’s dresses.”
* The state song of Maryland is “Maybe We Should’ve Killed Those Lawyers Before We Threw Them In That Swamp”.
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Well, that wraps up the Maryland edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be swerving off a bridge like a Kennedy as we visit Massachusetts.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a hot air balloon ride.

Existing Just to Comply with Government Regulations

In a society that is struggling to create jobs and kick-start growth, what is a great way to help get things moving again? I know! Let’s implement MORE government regulations that will tie up productivity in government compliance, rather than in growth and productivity.
A new analysis finds that added regulations just under Barack Obama are now estimated to be $488 billion. That is additional regulations in less than four years. According to White House data, this equates to 10.38 billion hours filling out federal paperwork. Just this week we learned that 80 million of those compliance hours will be dedicated just to complying with ObamaCare. And while we are on the topic of ObamaCare … did you hear the latest estimates on the penalties associated with Obama? Congressional budget analysts have revised their numbers and determined that 6 million Americans will likely pay penalties under ObamaCare, and most of those people will be the precious middle class. So much for Obama’s claim that he would never raise taxes on the middle class!
But back to regulations …
You bet that all of these regulations hurt businesses. Earlier this week, a coal mining company announced that it is closing eight of its mines and eliminating 1,200 jobs. The article mentions that these coal companies are having to look at their businesses and how they deal with an “entirely new reality.” What’s that reality? An Obama administration with an EPA empowered to fulfill Obama’s promise of bankrupting the coal industry. Remember that one? In 2008, “So if somebody wants to build a coal-powered plant, they can; it's just that it will bankrupt them because they're going to be charged a huge sum for all that greenhouse gas that's being emitted.” Wow, a promise he managed to fulfill!

Obama Represents Everyone?

In the wake of Mitt Romney’s comments about the 47% of Americans who do not pay any income taxes, Barack Obama had something to say about this. Before or after his party with Jay-Z and Beyonce (can’t keep his Hollywood schedule straight), Obama joined David Letterman where he responded by saying, "My expectation is that if you want to be president, you have to work for everyone, not just for some.”
Oh, really? I’m sure that there are some Americans out there who don’t feel like Barack Obama is working for them. We could start with people looking for jobs. But let’s work on a list of people who may beg to differ.
Barack Obama is NOT working for:

• People who cling to their guns and their religion …

• Those evil millionaires and billionaires (with the exception of Hollywood libtards and those who gained their wealth through liberally approved “legitimate means”)

• Those small business owners who "didn't build" those businesses …

• Who don't believe in the government forcing their business to provide insurance which covers procedures which do not fall in line with their personal or religious beliefs …

• People who would like to chose their child’s school, and people who believe teachers should either perform in the classroom, or find other work.

• People who do not believe it is the governments' role to force Americans to purchase any product, including health insurance …

• Workers in a right to work state, who’s job is, according to liberal logic, taking away jobs in a forced union state …

• People who work for coal companies, because their industry is not deemed worthy in the eyes of liberal green policies … (More on that in a minute)

• Delphi workers who lost their pensions, while the pensions of union workers remained intact …

• The thousands of employees of GM auto dealerships that were forced to close by Obama’s goons.

• The people who’s pension plans are invested in those evil oil companies with their “corporate” jets and their record profits …

Barack Obama IS working for:

• People who want to live a life of dependence on others.

• People who envy those who work harder than they, and succeed

• Environmentalist whack jobs who essentially want to shut down industry in America

• People who believe that corporate profits should be banned

What the hell … why the long list? We can just cut it down to this. Obama is working for the unions – especially government employee unions. He’s also working for America’s leaches, moochers and parasites and the people who make money off of them. He’s working for the Muslim extremists who despise this country, for the world’s nations that desire a weaker America – an America in decline, and for the memory of his Marxist father and his Communist mentor Frank Marshall Davis. Not only is he working for these people .. but he’s doing a pretty damned good job.

10 Gaffes That Would Sink the Romney Campaign

So the left is freaking out over Romney’s 47% statement, and they’re convinced since they’re freaking out, other people than left-wing weirdos must care. This is pretty unlikely. So far, they’ve called a number of things Romney has said “gaffes” but they haven’t moved the polls any. So what could Romney say that would actually sink his campaign? Here’s some examples I thought of:
GAFFES THAT WOULD SINK THE ROMNEY CAMPAIGN
“It shouldn’t be a crime for me to murder people with less money than me. Especially if they’re gay.”
“I sure love saying the n-word.”
“Let’s not be so hasty as to throw out all of Hitler’s ideas.”
“From now on, Ann Romney will wear a burka so that maybe the Middle East will like us.”
“How do you like my new mustache? It’s awesome; I think it makes me look like Stalin.”
“If elected president, I will lead the country in whatever direction the sacred leader of Mormonism, Mormonthor, tells me to.”
“Let me take back my statements supporting Israel; I didn’t realize that country was so full of Jews.”
“I’ve decided for campaign music we’ll be using nothing but Nickelback.”
“I’m just going to go ahead and say what Todd Akin never had the guts to: Women love rape.”
“Back in 2008, I voted for Obama.”

IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT. THEY WERE BORN TERRORISTS

It makes perfect sense that the feds would investigate the film maker who, well made the film that is being used as the political football to take the blame off theMuslims who did what they did. That last sentence was really long, so I'll write a short one to compensate now. The Feds are dumb. Ok now that we're equalized.

I've been trying to stay away from the news for the last few days because I'm running out of things in my house I can break and not miss. When this story “broke” (pun intended) I believed the hype that it was about the video. Then it hit me. Why would a bunch of people across the world all of a sudden see a video that's been online for about a year not and all of a sudden 'eff stuff up?

The only logical conclusion is its a bait and switch of some sort.

#1 Why would they all of a sudden care about this?

#2 why would it rile up several mobs in two different countries?

#3 why are they so angry when hummus is so yummy?

I may have brought up #3 before, but it needs repeating. The stuff is great, I'm eating it now while typing this.

Maybe, maybe there are Muslim groups that found this and decided to use it to gin up outrage and cause chaos, its not like that never happened before or anything; but why is there an investigation into the man that made the movie?

Sometimes it really makes me angry that freedom of speech and freedom of religion have separate rules in this country depending on who you may anger.

OK I'm done with this, I'm about ready to start throwing my dishes around.

Waving bin Laden's "Bloody Shirt"

If you watched any of the recent Democrat convention in Charlotte recently, you probably noted the prominent waving of Osama bin Laden's "bloody shirt". A number of speakers, including the president himself, paraded it out as a major accomplishment of his administration. This is not terribly surprising, since there are so few of them to brag about! We noted that here, last May.

Obama also brought it up himself in his speech to the U.N. last year. In a fashion which invokes my maxim that liberals are irony impaired, Obama said famously:

Osama bin Laden is gone, and the idea that change could only come through violence has been buried with him.

You get that? We did away with the idea that "change could only come through violence" by shooting him in the face! I'll give you a second to chew over that little gem!

Do you remember the rationale of this administration in not releasing the death photos of bin Laden? That releasing the photos could trigger "violence, attacks, or acts of revenge" against the U. S. That was reportedly also the reason that Obama said he would not "spike the ball" over OBL's death. Even though, he has repeatedly broken that pledge. He mentioned OBL twice in his 2012 SOTU address.

Which do you think would have a wider influence on the world in general? A You Tube video of the trailer, of a low budget, obscure movie that almost no one has ever seen or heard about, or the President of the United States and his surrogates, repeatedly and gleefully boasting about the death of Osama bin Laden?

Since the Obama administration itself acknowledged that the death of bin Laden could be inflammatory and cause violence retaliation, would it not be fair to state that more than just photographs could cause that "inflammation"? Has this administration forgotten that there can be power in words as well?

For example, if I told you that someone had broken into your house, killed your parents and raped your sister, would you say to me, "That's all very interesting, but I have to wait to see some photos before I can muster any outrage."? I don't think so.

But, yet, for the sake of some supposed political advantage, Obama continues to poke Islamic extremists in the eye over the death of bin Laden, because of the barrenness of his own accomplishments over the last four years.

I know it is just speculation on my part, but I would venture that Obama's continually spiking the ball over bin Laden's death and his years long victory celebration in the endzone did more to foment the unrest at our embassies than any You Tube video, or at the very least, contributed to it. Add to this, the Egyptian rioters chanting "Obama, Obama: We are all Osama!", and it appears that waving the bloody shirt may have indeed had more influence than any You Tube video. The video may have provided an additional spark, but the powderkeg was long primed.

When the President of the United States speaks, as the leader of the last remaining superpower, his words are repeated and analyzed on television, radio, newspapers, the Internet and by word of mouth, as opposed to a single video, lost in the clutter of You Tube. His influence is greater, his audience more far reaching.

At best, Obama bragging about bin Laden has become a national joke, starting with SNL and reaching across the Internet, where anything Obama says can be appended with, "Oh, and by the way, did I tell you I got bin Laden?", and it is still plausible enough to elicit a sad smile. As in a recent event where the families of fallen soldiers being returned to the US, had asked that there be no cameras at the event, so President Obama brought his own photographer.
There was something unseemly about seeing John "Magic Hat" Kerry at the convention, who bolted as soon as he could from the field of conflict in Viet Nam, with three dubious Purple Hearts, who then went on to publicly denigrate America's armed forces, trying to bask in the glory of America's genuine heroes. Likewise with a Commander-in-Chief grossly unfamiliar with both military history and tradition. It is even worse when they acknowledge that America's fighting forces could be put at risk with provocations over bin Laden's death, and yet, they repeatedly bring it up, "spiking the ball" for political gain.

Maybe our next president will recognize that we still live in a dangerous world, and take the job seriously enough to at least attend the daily national security briefings?

Fun Facts About the 50 States: Maine

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, it’s time to buy grossly overpriced lobster-shaped souvenirs, because we’re headed up to Maine, so let’s get started…
_______________

The state flag of Maine consists of a blue background behind an image of a moose sleeping under a tree, which symbolizes the state’s large population of lazy Canadians.

* Maine became the 23rd state on March 15th, 1820 and also became the only state with a one-syllable name after they shortening it from “Mainingtonia”.
* The state bird of Maine is the chickadee, and NOT the much more common Cracker-Barrel Buzzard or Bald Coot.
* Maine is one of America’s largest producers of leather products, most of which are exported to San Francisco during Gay Pride Week.
* The state flower of Maine is the pine cone. Although most people wouldn’t be dumb enough to confuse a pine cone with a flower, keep in mind that some people actually considered Dan Rather to be a journalist, too.
* The state motto of Maine is, “Fleecing tourists is fun!”
* 90% of America’s toothpick supply is produced in Maine, and I’ll bet those idiots probably think THOSE are flowers, too.
* The state song of Maine is “Rock Lobster”, by the B52′s.
* The state tree of Maine is the white pine… which obviously means they’re racist.
* The top prize in Maine’s state lottery is having Stephen King personally bury your dismembered corpse in his back yard.
* Eastport, Maine, is the easternmost city in the US, and therefore the best place from which to launch a nuclear strike against France.
* Not that… you know… America is actually PLANNING anything like that…
* Hey… I’m just saying we should keep our options OPEN, people!
* Maine is the only state in the US that shares a border with only one other state. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that a LOT of dead lobsters wash up on the beach, and no one wants to be next to a state that smells like Roseanne Barr’s underwear.
* Every year, 4 million lobsters are caught off the coast of Maine – most of them on their way to Canada to buy cheap prescription drugs.
* Maine produces 99% of America’s blueberries, which is why most blueberries can’t pronounce the word “car” correctly.
* Maine was originally settled by Canadians who were searching for the religious freedom to worship their pagan moose-god, Bullwinkle.
* Freeport, Maine, is home to the LL Bean Company, purveyors of fine outdoor clothing. This may explain why Maine’s license plates are made out of plaid flannel.
* Although Maine has many old lighthouses, they are rarely lit these days except by brave Hobbits attempting to signal the armies of Rohan.
* The first naval battle of the Revolutionary War was fought off the coast of Maine in 1775. It was technically a draw, since both the American and British crews were devoured by giant radioactive lobsters.
* The state insect of Maine is the honeybee, and most farmers who raise them still milk them by hand while sitting on a tiny stool.
* Most small towns in Maine still govern themselves through the use of “Town Hall Meetings”, which consist of a series of boring speeches, followed by a picnic and ritual cannibalism on the Town Commons.
* All new mothers in Maine face the difficult choice of whether to bottle feed their babies or give them their clam chowder straight from the breast.
* A great deal of Maine consists of marshy swampland. Sorta like Florida, except that in Maine, all the gators were eaten by giant radioactive lobsters.
* If you go to a bar in Maine, you’ll be tempted to try the “Moose Meat Margarita”. Resist.
_______________
Well, that wraps up the Maine edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be stopping by the birthplace of the world’s violentest national anthem – and the rest of the world better not forget that if they know what’s good for ‘em – as we visit Maryland.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go out and milk the honeybees.

Obama’s to-do list

You gotta wonder what Obama’s to-do list — his real one, not that silly list of campaign promises — looks like. If his campaign promises such as changing the tone in Washington were truly the list, even he’d have to give himself a failing grade.
But no, the president gave himself an “incomplete” grade. That means he’s done some stuff, but the rest is in reach.
Whatever could those things be? Well, I’m thinking his goal is to out-do Jimmy Carter on everything. Let’s see how he’s doing, shall we?

• Drive gas prices up. Check.
• High unemployment. Check.
• Support ill-advised Islamic overthrow of a friendly Middle Eastern nation. Check.
• Have embassy in that country stormed later same year. Check.
• Attacked by a rabbit. Not yet.
• Lose election to Republican former governor of a liberal state. Not yet.

I’m not wishing a bunny attack on the president, but if it did happen, I would laugh my ass off.
That last item? I am wishing that upon him. And I’m doing what I can to make it happen.
Now, I know some of you don’t like the idea of voting for Mitt Romney. Those of you that have sworn to never vote for Romney, and plan to follow through, well, if you’d help take care of the rabbit thing, the rest of us will work on the election thing.
Then we can mark Obama’s to-do list complete and send him home to … wherever the hell he’s from.

CINCO DE MAYO TRIPLE HEADER

Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for "fifth of May") is a celebration held on May 5.
It is celebrated nationwide in the United States and regionally in Mexico, primarily in the state of Puebla, where the holiday is called El Día de la Batalla de Puebla (English: The Day of the Battle of Puebla).

The date is observed in the United States as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, and to commemorate the cause of freedom and democracy during the first years of the American Civil War. In the state of Puebla, the date is observed to commemorate the Mexican army's unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín. Contrary to widespread popular belief, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico's Independence Day—the most important national patriotic holiday in Mexico—which is actually celebrated on September 16.
USA: History of observance (Wikipedia)

Mexicans and Latinos living in California during the American Civil War are credited with being the first to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in the United States.

According to a paper published by the UCLA Center for the Study of Latino Health and Culture about the origin of the observance of Cinco de Mayo in the United States, the modern American focus on that day first started in California in the 1860s in response to the resistance to French rule in Mexico. "Far up in the gold country town of Columbia (now Columbia State Park) Mexican miners were so overjoyed at the news that they spontaneously fired off rifles shots and fireworks, sang patriotic songs and made impromptu speeches."

A 2007 UCLA Newsroom article notes that "The holiday, which has been celebrated in California continuously since 1863, is virtually ignored in Mexico." TIME magazine reports that "Cinco de Mayo started to come into vogue in 1940s America during the rise of the Chicano movement." United Press International reports that "The holiday crossed over into the United States in the 1950s and 1960s but didn't gain popularity until the 1980s when marketers, especially beer companies, capitalized on the celebratory nature of the day and began to promote it."

NOW, The Truth About Cinco De Mayo
Hellmann's Mayonnaise - a bit of history.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who had developed a real taste for mayonnaise to the point of being crazy for the taste and were eagerly awaiting its delivery; and upon hearing the bad news became disconsolate at the loss.

Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as - Sinko De Mayo.

WHAT? You expected something educational from me?

Happy Cinco de Mayo!
By IMAO's Frank J.

Today is Cinco de Mayo! It celebrates how on May 5th, 1756, some French guy (probably named Pierre) invented mayonnaise. It is an important day for Mexicans living in America since early on Mexicans worshipped a jar of mayo as a god and it helped Mexico prosper.

The traditional Cinco de Mayo celebration is to buy a large jar of mayo and a couple cases of Corona and then drink and drink the Corona until you think you hear the jar of mayo talking to you. Traditionally, it is believed that whatever the mayo tells you will come true in the next year, though in practice the mayo often lies.

It is illegal to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in Arizona, due to a long ban on mayo in the state. Anyone seen illegally possessing mayo will automatically be deported to Mexico on a first offense, Venezuela on a second offense, and Detroit on a third. This often gets Arizona compared to the Nazis because of an urban legend about the Nazis hunting down jars of mayo as a Jew-collaborator, though in reality Hitler put on mayo on everything.

Everything.

Plus, Hitler was a Mexican. That's why early depictions of him before WWII often showed him wearing a sombrero.
So have a fun and safe Cinco de Mayo! The usual rule applies: If the mayo tell you to hurt yourself or others, don't listen to it.

Borrowed From IMAO
FUN FACTS ABOUT MEXICO

* Mexico declared its independence from Spain on September 16th, 1810. This should not be confused with the first Cinco de Mayo of May 5th 1862, which marked Mexico's victory over the French Army. Every day is Cinco de Mayo somewhere in the world.

* In absolute numbers, Mexico has more native Spanish-speakers than anywhere else in the world. Percentage-wise, the winner is any given Home Depot parking lot.

* The Chihuahua dog breed was developed in 1850 in Mexico. Purebred Chihuahuas are quite rare and VERY expensive. If you can't afford one, a shaved rat is pretty much the same thing.

* In the 16th century, Mexicans used poinsettia leaves for medicinal purposes, including to help control fevers. In modern times, they mostly use hospitals in Los Angeles.

* The national sport of Mexico is bull-fighting – where a pretty man prances around while cruelly butchering an innocent animal. Sorta like American Idol, except with bulls instead of pop music.

* Mexico is made up of 31 states. 38 if Obama is counting.

* The three colors of Mexico's flag hold deep symbolism: green is for hope and victory, red is for the blood shed by the nation's heroes, and white is for the nation's vibrant cocaine export industry.

* Mexico City is the second-largest city in the world, with a population of 25million, all of whom share a single car and apartment.

* The border between Mexico and the United States is thought to be second-longest in the world – after the border between the United States and Canada – although no one can say for sure, since it's been completely obscured by footprints.
All of which, mysteriously, point north, leading scientists to speculate that Mexicans are made out of some sort of magnetic material.

* Because Mexico is located in an area known as the Pacific "Ring of Fire."the region is rife with millions of small, active volcanoes. These are harvested annually and sold under the name Habanero.

* Tequila, the liquor for which Mexico is famous, is made from the native blue agave plant. It's named after the city where it originated, and not – as American overindulgers often claim – a Mexicanized pronunciation of "to kill ya".

* 90% of Mexicans are Roman Catholic, which is why they tend to see the Virgin Mary in their tortillas instead of Barack Obama like normal people.

* Mexico has seven hundred and seven species of reptiles. Which one is in that taco is anyone's guess.

* Chocolate was invented in Mexico as a sacred drink for the Aztecs. The original recipe contained no milk or sugar, leaving it a dark, bitter, unpleasant mess which few could stomach without retching. Think of it as Michelle Obama in a cup.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go shave me up a Chihuahua.

9/11 - A Day of Remembrance

It's 9/11. Eleven years ago, the United States was attacked by those who thought we were soft. Those who thought we would accede to their demands if they brought us harm, with the threat to do more. They thought they had seen it before. They were wrong.

So, today, no partisan politics, no matter how egregious the provocation. This is a day of remembrance. Tomorrow is another day. But for 2,996 of our citizens, tomorrow didn't come, on this date, eleven years ago. Most of them were not heroes. Some of them were.

And today, we pause to remember them, and to consider the evil of our enemies, who kill men, and women, and children with equal dispassion, to acknowledge once again the cowardice of those who would wage war against us, but were too cowardly to attack our military, attacking unarmed civilians instead.

And we pray for the souls of those lives cut short, and for the lives of those first responders who, even now are seeing their lives cut short by illness brought about in the hell of the dust and smoke.

We should remember what happened that day, and why it happened, and vow that, if it be within our power, that it never happen again.

REMEMBERING 9/11

Today is the 11^th anniversary of the attack by Muslim radicals on New York and Washington DC .. an attack that was cheered by Muslims around the world. Now I’m not one for endless grandiose remembrance ceremonies commemorating events like this … remembering is fine, but the focus always needs to be on the future. This, though, is different. Different for two reasons: One – there are strong pressures on Americans to forget who did this two us; and, Two – the people who did it are still pledging to kill as many more Americans as they can, and actually doing so when they get a chance.
This PC treatment of Islamic violence is completely asinine.
Seventy-one years after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, we are still calling it the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Eleven years after the Islamic attack on America, September 11^th should still be labeled as the Islamic attack on America, though it is not. Throughout the day today, you will see countless news stories highlighting many different sides and stories surrounding this day. How many of those reports will use the words “Islamic” or “Muslim”? I’ll bet you’ll have a tough time finding them. I know I couldn’t find it in our Atlanta Journal-Constitution this morning, nor in my hometown Brunswick News. OK, I was reading online editions … so the print editions may actually mention the politically unmentionable. Our fear of identifying the attackers on this day is a disservice to all those who lost their lives.
When to let up? When all of the facets of the religion of Islam step forward to strongly condemn Islamic extremism and the Muslim penchant for killing people who don’t worship as they do. Sorry – but I have a hard time mustering up any real respect for a religion that will condone stoning a woman to death because she was raped, or forbidding women from getting an education.
No --- I don’t want to dwell on Islam today, nor do I want to ignore the religion that brought us this devastation. Today we rightfully honor, with devotion and respect, the memories of those who lost their lives in this attack. I’m especially struck by the courage shown by the small group of ordinary Americans on Flight 93. May God bless them all.

I can remember that morning clearly.Lisa ran into my office and pointed to the TV monitor. “Look,” she said, “A small plane flew into a building in New York!” It took only a second.. “That wasn’t an accident. That was a terrorist attack. We’re under attack.” With that I spent my time alternating between Fox News and my office watching the events unfold. A day I will never forget .. nor will I forget the people who did this to us. Hopefully you won’t either.

Fun Facts About the 50 States: Louisiana

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, lift your shirt and earn some shiny beads – we’re headed to Louisiana. So… let’s get started…
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Symbolic of New Orleans – surrounded by flood waters with no land in sight.

* Louisiana became the 18th state on April 30th 1812, mostly to make President Madison’s wife stop nagging him about “when are you going to get up off your butt and do something with all that land west of the Mississippi?”
* Ya know, it wasn’t Manifest Destiny that built this country, it was naggy wives.
* The state bird of Louisiana is the brown pelican, whose enormous beak could, in theory, hold enough beer to get an Irishman drunk.
* The state boat of Louisiana is Noah’s Ark.
* Louisiana is the source of most of America’s seafood, and annually produces more shrimp than a Wizard of Oz cast party.
* The state motto of Louisiana is “Help! I can’t swim!”
* The state flower of Louisiana is the magnolia… although that may soon change to the water lily.
* The highest point in Louisiana is Mt. Driskoll, at 535 feet, while the lowest point is [insert gurgling sound here].
* Louisiana was named after the French King, Louis the 14th, and NOT after the French pronunciation of “lousy, ain’t it?”
* The official soil of Louisiana is silt.
* Louisiana has the tallest state capitol building in the US. It’s 450 feet tall, and is capable of holding nearly a week’s supply of the Governor’s bribe money.
* The state song of Louisiana is Led Zeppelin’s, “When the Levee Breaks”.
* The US acquired the Louisiana territory from France in 1803 in exchange for $15 million dollars in gold and a promise to stop referring to the French as “surrender monkeys”.
* HA! Stupid, gullible, surrender monkeys!
* The state tree of Louisiana is whichever one Katrina didn’t knock down. Probably an oak tree in Shreveport, or something.
* Jazz Great Louis Armstrong was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. His famous song, “What a Wonderful World”, describes his feelings about moving out of the state.
* Rock & Roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis was born in Ferriday, Louisiana on September 29th, 1935. Although he DID at one point marry his 13-year-old cousin, he was NOT actually a degenerate pedophile – just Southern.
* Baton Rouge, Louisiana hosted the Special Olympics in 1983, prompting accusations from Alabama that it was actually just a scheme to raise the state’s standardized test scores.
* Louisiana is famous for its many slow-moving rivers or “bayous”. The word “bayou” is a Choctaw Indian word meaning “Frenchman’s urinal”.
* The first governor of Louisiana chose the pelican as the state bird because it is such a devoted parent that it would tear at its own flesh to feed its young rather than let them starve. The governor was so impressed by this that he substituted “the rich” for “flesh”, and thus was born the Louisiana tax system.
* The state dog of Louisiana is the Water Spaniel.
* St. Joseph Cemetery in Rayne, Louisiana is the only cemetery in the US where the graves have a north-south orientation. All other cemeteries are laid out in a pentagram pattern to facilitate raising the dead via unholy rituals.
* The city of Kaplan, Louisiana is known as the Cajunest Place on Earth and is home to the famous Gumbo World theme park and resort.
* The city of New Orleans was once a haven for pirates, which may explain why most of the post-Katrina looters had parrots & eye-patches.
* The Old Town Hall Museum in Pineville, Louisiana is the only museum in the US devoted to municipal government. While there, don’t miss the Graft & Corruption exhibit in the Huey P. Long Memorial Corruptitorium.
* At the age of 13, all young males in Louisiana undergo a ceremonial rite of passage wherein they finally learn the horrifying truth – that Mardi Gras is NOT a national holiday.
* They are NOT told, however, the horrifying truth that they are descended from the French, as this would completely destroy their fragile minds.
* Whether you pronounce it “New Or-lins”, “New Or-leenz”, “New Or-le-ans”, or even “Nawlins”, SOMEONE in Louisiana will correct your pronunciation.
* When they do, tell the annoying little SOB that he’s descended from the French. THAT will shut him up.
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Well, that wraps up the Louisiana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I’ll be getting mugged by gangs of feral lobsters in Maine.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go *ahem* “use the bayou”.

My Outrage Hat is On Now: Auto Bail Out Edition

If I could put my outrage glasses and hat on for a minute I would love to tell you something that I’m, well, outraged over. One of the things that bothers me most about the Obama administration is the revisionist history in regards to the auto bail out.

Last night Rahm Emanual talked about (and without looking for a quote… cuz, well… lazy) how the auto industry had just a few weeks left, and Obama had to save it. This right here is something that was common knowledge at the time. Why is that you ask? Well because Bush had given the auto company's money to buy time for Obama to come in and “save it”.

This wasn’t some thing that sprung up on “his watch”. This was a national emergency that needed tending to post haste. As someone who works in the industry for his day job, I remember wondering what was going to happen, also thinking the best thing to do was to let them declare bankruptcy and move on from there.

Mitt Romney made a similar comment about it and has gotten panned for it ever since. He thought the best move was a government structured bankruptcy. Every one from Ed “I just craped my pants” Shultz to Keith “please remember me” Olbermann said that was terrible and ridiculous and should never be allowed to happen.

Then a few months later something weird happened. After billions of dollars, union and members of the government put on the board for GM. Both Chrysler and GM went in to bankruptcy.

Now some of you are saying “whats the big deal Chris”? Well the big deal is that the money and adjustments were given to both of these company's so they could avoid bankruptcy, and the entered in to it anyway. The other difference now is that Chrysler got forced into a deal with Fiat, and GM got 2 conflicts of interest put on their board of directors.

So you see why I have my outraged glasses on, Mitt was right all along, but that’s not what the spin says.

Obama Saved the Auto Industry --- Bolshoi

No … he saved the United Auto Workers. The United Auto Workers are not, no matter how much they would like for you to believe that it is so, the auto industry.
To expose this “Obama saved the auto industry lie” I’m going to have to go back to before there were automobiles. Back, in fact, to before there was a United States. We’re talking English Common Law. For the most part the legal structure of the United States and of 49 of the 50 states was derived from the laws in effect in England when our country was founded. The English Statute of Bankrupts was enacted in 1542. Even Genghis Kahn recognized bankruptcy … but if you went bankrupt three times you were executed.
Let’s simplify this. An individual or a company has two basic types of creditors; secured and unsecured. If someone loans you money to buy a home or a car, that loan is secured by that property. If you don’t play, the lender can take the home (foreclosure) or the car (repossession) and either sell it or keep it as an asset to cover the money they lost when you defaulted on your loan. If you default on an unsecured loan the lender has little recourse but to sue you in court and attempt to get a judgment against you. The local sheriff can then seize some of your property – your bank accounts, for instance – to satisfy that judgment.
But … what if you go bankrupt? The law is and the law always has been that if an individual or a corporation goes bankrupt the secured creditors get paid first – then the unsecured creditors can pick over what’s left.
Sorry for the lengthy explanation here --- but this is necessary for you to understand what a crock of bat squeeze this “Obama saved the auto industry” line is.
Now .. there are two basic types of bankruptcy, both named after a particular chapter or section of the Bankruptcy Code. You have Chapter 7 and Chapter 11. Under corporate or business Chapter 7 bankruptch you close down the business and the business assets are sold off to satisfy the creditors. Under a Chapter 11 you ask the court to hold off the creditors – to keep them from seizing your assets due to your inability to pay back their loans – while you work, under the court’s supervision, to reorganize your business. If you manage to successfully reorganize your business structure you come out of Chapter 11 and continue to do business as normal. Several airlines, including the world’s largest, Delta Airlines, have used Chapter 11 to reorganize their businesses in rough times.
Now .. here’s the rub. And here is why Barack Obama stepped in and tossed the Bankruptcy laws aside with General Motors. Under a Chapter 11 bankruptcy the business can elect to void contracts which it deems to be injurious to the business or which the owners or managers believe would prevent a successful reorganization. Now one of the principal reasons the auto industry was in trouble was …unions. Over the years the unions had created an overwhelming array of benefits and wages that were killing the auto industry. Some of these auto workers were making the equivalent of $75 per hour or more in wages and benefits.
As a result of the recession, and the burden of it’s current union contracts, General Motors was hinting at a Chapter 11 bankruptcy to reorganize. The United Auto Workers Union was concerned that GM might use this bankruptcy to re-negotiate their contract, which would mean reduced pay scales and benefits. The UAW went to Obama, reminded him of their support in the past election, and hinted that he might want to do something to save them. Obama acted quickly. Not being a rule-of-law guy, Obama tossed the Bankruptcy Code aside and told GM’s secured creditors that they were going to have to take a back seat to the auto worker’s union in a restructuring of General Motors. What’s more, instead of going through traditional bankruptcy reorganization procedures, the government was going to step in with a massive multi-billion dollar bailout in exchange for GM stock. The bond holders, the SECURED bond holders, were told that they were going to have to sit back and lose money on the deal … and that’s just the way it was going to be.
So .. just what did Obama accomplish? At best, he saved the UAW. If Obama had allowed the laws of this country to take their course GM might or might not have sought court protection while reorganizing. If GM had filed for Chapter 11 it almost certainly would have emerged, just as American and Delta Airlines did, a stronger and more financially secure company. Obama did NOT save the auto industry. The laws were in place that the auto industry – GM – could have used to save itself. Obama intervened and saved his union buddies.
By the way .. just how did Obama’s interference in the business affairs of GM work out? If you want to know how GM is really doing, you can read this recent column by Michael Barone: GM goes from bad to worse despite Obama bailout.

What Would It Be Like to Attend the DNC?

There have been plenty of anecdotal stories on attending this year’s Republican National Convention, and from most accounts it sounds like it was relatively fun…for a political convention. I still don’t think I’d want to go, but then if I had a reason to go I would probably enjoy it more. You know, like if I was a senator, I could walk around making people bow and kiss my ring. At least, I think that is what senators do.
Well, I was thinking: what would a day at the Democratic National Convention be like? Probably boring, but then hanging around some railroad tracks in the middle of nowhere is boring too…until there is a train wreck. And with that many Democrats and their nutty supporters in one place, there’s bound to be a few wrecks. So it could be interesting after all…
Day 1 at the DNC
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* You’re assaulted by the garbage police for throwing your plastic cup into a “recycle” bin instead of the “composte” bin. It’s clearly marked biodegradeable!
* You try to eat some of that great BBQ, but then are publically shamed and ridiculed by mobs of animal rights activists and militant vegans.
* You give up on the BBQ and go try to get a waffle cone…until Michelle Obama’s personal food police stop you.
* You notice Harry Reid keeps following people into the restroom.
* You keep tripping over hippies laying all over the place. You then notice those are actually the delegates.
* You keep getting the wrong change when you buy things because none of these people can do basic math.
* After listening to a dozen boring speeches, you are then forced to watch a video about how great of a president Jimmy Carter was.
* When the video is over, you suddenly feel sick and head to the restroom. You notice Harry Reid following you.
* You decide to head back to your hotel room to lay down for a bit, but then are attacked by swarms of angry bed bugs.
* Tired, hungry, and feeling a bit sick, you arrive back just in time to hear Michelle Obama speak…and then realize you forgot to bring your Klingon to English translator.
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Yep. Sounds like a great time to me.

The New “N” Word, According to Chris Matthews

To those who naively believe that America has made significant strides in eradicating the lethal poisons of racism from our midst, what I am about to tell you is dispiriting, or worse.

From outward appearances, our nation has made some progress:
( )We elected a black President in 2008;

( )The US Attorney General is black;

( )The FLOTUS is black;

( )America’s Middle class includes more and more people of color;

( )Discrimination in employment housing, education, employment, and credit is prohibited by federal law;

( )The only birthday of a non-President that America celebrates as a national holiday is that of Martin Luther King, a black man;

( )America’s music and entertainment industry is dominated by black stars like Oprah, Chris Rock, Denzel Washington, and the late Whitney Houston;

( )Likewise, the sports world is dominated by African-Americans where Barry Bonds has usurped the legendary Babe Ruth, Tiger Woods has replaced Jack Nicklaus, professional basketball is nearly all black, football the same, and on and on;

So, with all of that raw progress to brag about, one would think that the Race Card has been purged from the deck of Dirty Tricks used by Democrats and their carriers in the mainstream media, right?

Oops!

As reported at the reference, Chris Matthews of MSNBC has pointed out a glaring and embarrassing remnant of Jack Crow and slavery: The emergence of a new N word in the color- coded vernacular of Republicans.

Thanks to Matthews, that incoherent, knot-headed, left-wing slobbering moon bat, we are told that the offensive word is , forgive the expression, CHICAGO.

Yes, Chicago, once known as the Windy City and hailed as a great American city.

According to Chris Matthews the new N word is CHICAGO!

Little Known Facts About the Founding Fathers

George Washington's famous wooden teeth were actually carved from the very same cherry tree he couldn't lie to his Father about chopping down. Why did you think he chopped the damned thing down to begin with?

Benjamin Franklin, the inventor of the stove, bifocals and the Hundred Dollar Bill, did not discover electricity by flying his kite in a thunderstorm as legend would have you believe. He actually discovered static electricity when his kite stuck to the culottes he had just put on after removing them fresh from the clothes dryer.

Why did John Hancock sign his name so large on the Declaration of Independence? Because no one had invented shouting at the King by TYPING IN ALL CAPS ON THE INTERNET YET!!!

James Madison drafted the original version of the United States Constitution entirely in Pig Latin just to mess with everyone's minds: "Eway the Eoplepay..."

The Boston Tea Party, in which patriots protested unjust taxes by dressing up like Indians and tossing tea off of British ships in the middle of the night, took place in Boston Harbor on December 16, 1773. Not mentioned nearly as often in the history books is the concurrent Occupy Boston movement, in which a bunch of confused teenagers dressed up in tie-dyes and birkenstocks and sat around banging on drums while complaining that everything ought to be free and defecating in the public square.

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both famously died on the same day, July 4th, 1826, exactly 50 years to the day from the signing of the Declaration of Independence. John Adams' famous last words were, "Thomas Jefferson still survives," though, ironically, word had not reached him that Jefferson had indeed passed a mere 5 hours earlier at Monticello after muttering, mysteriously, "Wrong again, John."

The reason so many of our Founding Fathers wore powdered wigs? They had been scalped by Elizabeth Warren's ancestors who liked to run around claiming to be Indians and scalping anyone who laughed at them.

IT CAN'T HAPPEN HERE, OR CAN IT?

You say it can't happen here. You say not in this country. You say that all of these people are conspiracy theorists and crazy. Really? But, do you know everything that has happened in the last 8 months? Let's see if you really do.

Did you know that Obama signed into law a bill that says you can be detained basically at will without representation, without a fair and speedy trial indefinitely? Did you know that you can be detained for speaking your mind if you are speaking out about Obama? Did you know that you can actually wake up tomorrow morning and find out that Obama has suspended the constitution, shut down all communication including the internet and stopped all travel along any roads and he can do this by declaring a national state of emergency? In fact, did you know that under recently signed orders, he can declare martial law without there actually being an emergency?

Did you know that recently the Department of Homeland Security purchased 1.2 BILLION rounds of ammunition, and almost 3000 armored personnel carriers, along with as many bullet and chemical resistant road side checkpoint buildings?

Did you know that if Obama is reelected and has his way, he wants to take control of ALL MEDIA? You will be watching STATE RAN TV and only what they want you to see. You might have internet but it will ban anything they don't want you to see. He wants to take your freedom of speech, your freedom of religion, hell, he wants your freedom.

Did you know that he just signed a bill saying that there must be equality in discipline given in school systems? What does that mean? That means if there are more black or Hispanic children getting in trouble and less white kids, then the white kids have to receive equal discipline for the lesser infractions so it equals out. This is a system of punishing the good and praising the bad.

Did you know that he wants a system where anyone who makes anything more than the poverty level will be taxed higher and higher until they can't be taxed anymore so that this money can be given to the poor or those who do not wish to or bother to work? He wants the entire country on welfare and state aid. There's a method to his madness and he does NOT care about you. He is laughing at you. He's not about your interests. He's all about himself.

Did you know that he wants to change your national anthem? That he wants to redesign the American flag? That he wants to downsize the military to the point that we can no longer be aggressive? That he wants to make us all socialists. No country has ever thrived under socialism but that's what he wants.

Have you read his books? You should. Have you seen the 2016 movie? You should. Everything stated here is true. It can be proven.

He admits he has participated in flag burning ceremonies, as has his wife. He admits he's never had a job and got everything he has through affirmative action. Is this really someone you want to call your leader?

You say none of this can happen here? Look at all the devastation that has occurred in four years... what do you think the next four years will look like?

DO YOU KNOW ME? REALLY?

I was born in one country, raised in another.

My father was born in another country.

I was not his only child.

He fathered several children with numerous women.

I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me.

My mother died at an early age from cancer.

Although my father deserted me and my mother raised me, I later wrote a book idolizing my father, not my mother.

Later in life, questions arose over my real name.

My birth records were sketchy.

No one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.

I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my new country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs and didn't follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.

I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.

That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and embarked on a new career.

I wrote a book about my struggles growing up.

It was clear to those who read my memoirs, that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.

I became active in local politics in my 30s. Then, with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s

They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything

I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history and no experience in leading a single organization.

Yet I was a powerful speaker, and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks.

I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances.

This bolstered my ego.

At first, my political campaign focused on my country's foreign policy...

I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.

But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country's economy.

I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better, and every poor person would be fed and housed for free.

I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess.

It was the free market, banks and corporations.

I decided to start making citizens hate them; and, if they became envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.

I called mine "A People's Campaign.

That sounded good to all people.

I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics and was able to gain widespread popular support.

I knew that if I merely offered the people 'hope', together we could change our country and the world.

So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include "persecuted minorities."

My true views were not widely known, and I kept them unknown until after I became my nation's leader.

I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. I'm glad they didn't.

Then I became the most powerful man in the world.

And then the world learned the truth.


Who am I? Answer: ADOLPH HITLER If you were thinking someone else you should be scared --- very scared!

Fun Facts About the 50 States: Kentucky

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.
This week, it’s time to put the K in KFC, because we’re headed out to Kentucky, so let’s get started…
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In the last vote on the matter, this design narrowly beat out an image of two pickups and a still.

* Kentucky became the 15th state on June 1, 1792, despite the fact that no one in the state can actually count that high.
* The state sport of Kentucky is horse racing, mostly because you can’t lose your license for “riding under the influence”.
* In Kentucky, spitting tobacco juice on someone is considered a friendly greeting, much like the “up yours!” of a New York cabbie.
* Kentucky is one of America’s leading coal-mining states. Coal miners are easily recognizable by their almost Frenchman-like layer of black filth.
* While attending church services in Kentucky, remember that – traditionally – the collection plate is passed BEFORE the spittoon.
* They get REALLY upset when you get that wrong.
* The state reality TV show of Kentucky is the Jerry Springer show, or – as it’s known locally – “Southern Survivor”.
* When visiting a Civil War battlefield in Kentucky, try not to laugh out loud if the guide mentions how “we purt’ near won that battle”.
* The state flower of Kentucky is Goldenrod, which should not be confused with that crappy James Bond movie starring Pierce Brosnan.
* The state motto of Kentucky is “United we stand, divided we fall, drunk we pass out.”
* This replaced the old motto of “4 million people, 15 last names”.
* There are no newspapers in Kentucky, as being literate is considered snooty.
* Although Kentucky is bordered by seven different states, Kentuckians rarely shop across state lines, since most stores in other states have firm “no shoes, no teeth, no service” policies.
* Kentucky’s nickname is the Bluegrass state.
* Yeah, we all know grass is GREEN, but if you try to tell THEM that, they’ll think you’re just being snooty.
* Kentucky is the only state in the US where drivers routinely hit their brakes before running over banjo players.
* The electric lightbulb was first demonstrated at the Southern Exposition in Louisville, Kentucky in 1883, but was dismissed by locals as just another passing fad, like horseless carriages and soap.
* Kentucky’s name comes from the Iroquois Indian word “Ken-tah-ten”, which means, “wife… sister… what’s the difference?”
* The state song of Kentucky is the Hee Haw Theme.
* Kentucky has a population of 4 million people, all of whom are nicknamed Bubba.
* Except for the women, of course, who are nicknamed Bubba Mae.
* Or Auntie Mom.
* The state tree of Kentucky is whichever one the Governor drives into while drunk. This week it’s the tulip poplar.
* The Kentucky Derby is the oldest continuously-run horse race in America, and was the inspiration for such other races as the Kentucky Stetson and the Kentucky Yarmulke.
* Heather French became the first Miss America from Kentucky in 1999. She beat out Miss Alabama by correctly answering the question, “What is a toothbrush used for?”
* Colonel Harlan Sanders opened his first fried chicken restaurant in Corbin, Kentucky in 1952. It was hugely successful, unlike his earlier chain of Kentucky Fried Possum.
* Both Abraham Lincoln and Confederate President Jefferson Davis were born in Kentucky. They attended the same school as John Wilkes Booth, who routinely beat them both up and stole their lunch money.
* The song “Happy Birthday To You” was written by two sisters from Louisville, Kentucky in 1893, and was originally titled, “I’m Too Cheap to Buy You a Present”.
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Well, that wraps up the Kentucky edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I’ll be slogging through the bayous of Louisiana.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go grab me a bucket of KFP.