What Would It Be Like to Attend the DNC?

There have been plenty of anecdotal stories on attending this year’s Republican National Convention, and from most accounts it sounds like it was relatively fun…for a political convention. I still don’t think I’d want to go, but then if I had a reason to go I would probably enjoy it more. You know, like if I was a senator, I could walk around making people bow and kiss my ring. At least, I think that is what senators do.
Well, I was thinking: what would a day at the Democratic National Convention be like? Probably boring, but then hanging around some railroad tracks in the middle of nowhere is boring too…until there is a train wreck. And with that many Democrats and their nutty supporters in one place, there’s bound to be a few wrecks. So it could be interesting after all…
Day 1 at the DNC
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* You’re assaulted by the garbage police for throwing your plastic cup into a “recycle” bin instead of the “composte” bin. It’s clearly marked biodegradeable!
* You try to eat some of that great BBQ, but then are publically shamed and ridiculed by mobs of animal rights activists and militant vegans.
* You give up on the BBQ and go try to get a waffle cone…until Michelle Obama’s personal food police stop you.
* You notice Harry Reid keeps following people into the restroom.
* You keep tripping over hippies laying all over the place. You then notice those are actually the delegates.
* You keep getting the wrong change when you buy things because none of these people can do basic math.
* After listening to a dozen boring speeches, you are then forced to watch a video about how great of a president Jimmy Carter was.
* When the video is over, you suddenly feel sick and head to the restroom. You notice Harry Reid following you.
* You decide to head back to your hotel room to lay down for a bit, but then are attacked by swarms of angry bed bugs.
* Tired, hungry, and feeling a bit sick, you arrive back just in time to hear Michelle Obama speak…and then realize you forgot to bring your Klingon to English translator.
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Yep. Sounds like a great time to me.