Some Statements More Accurate Than the “If You Like Your Plan, You Can Keep It” Lie

So, the “If you like your plan, you can keep it” statement is perhaps one of the biggest lies in the history of presidents. Yes, Obama could have been a complete and utter incompetent moron who had no idea how his policies would affect, but the evidence points to him being a scumbag liar. Jay Carney is trying to say that the people who are losing the plans they like should be happy because now they’re being forced to buy more expensive plans with extra coverage they didn’t want, but those aren’t the only people affected. My wife and I lost the health care plan we really liked because it was too good and would eventually be subject to the “Cadillac” tax, so my company dropped it (yeah, this time it’s personal, Obama!).
Anyway, Obama is never going to admit he outright lied to the American people — because, you know, he’s a liar and that would be telling the truth, but I decided to offer some suggestions for more accurate statements he can use in the future.
SOME STATEMENTS MORE ACCURATE THAN THE “IF YOU LIKE YOUR PLAN, YOU CAN KEEP IT” LIE
“If you like your plan, you can keep a memento of it to remember it by.”
“If you like your plan, you can keep it… unless we decided you shouldn’t like your plan and you should want a more expensive one.”
“If you like your plan, then you have to pay a fine.”
“If you like your plan, hold on to that feeling because you’ll need that knowledge that once upon a time all was well in this world to get your through the dark times ahead.”
“If you like your plan, well, too bad; you’re a middle class tax payer and your fate could not be of less interest to the president.”
“If you like your plan so much, then why don’t you marry it?”
“If you like your plan, stop thinking of yourself and instead think of all the poor Americans out there who don’t have health insurance and how we’re going to fine them for that.”
“If you like your plan, then please don’t take it personally when your blundering, incompetent government crushes it.”
“If you like your plan, we’re sorry it’s going away but this is the first Obama’s heard about it so don’t blame him; he never has any idea what’s going on.”
“If you like your plan, still consider setting aside three to five days to navigate Healthcare.gov and compare it to the other plans available.”
“If you like your plan, then this will be much more painful for you.”