8 Things That Should Be Said at the RNC

The Republican National Convention is starting today — probably. Anyway, this is the GOP’s chance to really get some attention when they lay out the facts. Thus, I thought I’d lay out some ideas of the sort of things I’d like to hear said in prime time speaking slots:
THINGS THAT SHOULD BE SAID AT THE RNC
“I remember back in the day you didn’t have to spend $5 trillion more in debt to get a failing economy.”
“Obama’s four years as president can be summed up in one word: Derp!”
“If you look at America now and think this is the result of being a good president who deserves reelection, you hate America.”
“In a just world, Obama would have to sit quietly while job creators lectured him and how he didn’t build anything.”
“I have a feeling that in Obama’s next memoir, there’s going to be this odd four-year gap.”
“Anyone who thinks Obama is competent for a black man is a stupid, bigoted racist who should be shunned from polite society.”
“It’s good Obama made his birth certificate public, because when I hear him talk about his thought on the economy and capitalism, I do need to keep glancing at it to remind myself that he is in fact an American.”
“This all rather pointless because the solutions to all our problems comes out next week.”