A White House 4th of July

Obama apparently has a very long to do list this year for Independence Day.  Here is what my leaks claim he will be busy with this holiday:

• Lay by the pool with his old, lovingly dog-eared copy of The Communist Manifesto.
• Finally get around to reading The Declaration of Independence.
• Ruminate about making his birthday National Black President’s Day.
• Finally beat the Korean Team in the annual White House hot dog cook off with his special version of Bo-wurst.
• Cancel the 4^th of July and blame it on the sequester.
• Debut his new 4^th of July Pageant in which the British win and King Barack eventually takes the throne.
• Announce that 9/11 will now be National Tolerance Day, and tell his fireworks crew to ‘light up the sky like Benghazi.’
• Spend the day in white face and a powdered wig.
• Go through the NSA phone and e-mail records so he can get his next list of targets to the IRS before the audit deadlines, which inevitably means, get a good tax lawyer, Frank J.
• Have Bill Ayers over for drinks to discuss their plans for his ‘unauthorized’ autobiography.
• Give everyone in his administration a gift certificate good for one free pardon.  The offer never expires.
• Put tiny holes in Biden’s water wings and alert the media so they can catch him jumping into the pool and saving Joe’s life.
• Take a $29,000,000 family vacation instead of a $30,000,000 vacation, stupid sequester.
• Take a day off from his arduous golfing schedule.
• Let Joe come with them to Disneyland so they can jump to the front of the lines.
• Buy extra bandages and salve in case Joe keeps grabbing the wrong end of the sparklers again.