Monday, August 12, 2013

I’m Unstoppable When in Consultation with Businesses!

So Obama gave a rare press conference Friday, and he had a lot of asinine things to say. Obamacare is like an iPad. The NSA spying is like doing the dishes or something. His presidency is like a toddler playing with a power drill (he didn’t say that analogy; I think it was implied). But he also said this interesting thing: When asked how he could just suspend a provision of Obamacare willy nilly without having it go through Congress, he justified it by saying he did it in “consultation with businesses.”
Did you know that was a thing? You can just do an end run around the Constitution by consulting with businesses? Plus, who knew Obama even knew how to talk to businesses; they have all these words like “costs,” “profit,” and “budget” that are completely foreign concepts to him.
Man, I hope it’s a real thing that a president can do just whatever he wants as long as he consults with businesses first because a Republican will certainly get more use out of it than a Democrats. I mean, Democrats are like this abusive boyfriend to business (“I’m only taxing you because I love you!”), but businesses actually like Republicans. Think of what can get done in the future.
“Uh, Mr. President, we see you unilaterally suspended the minimum wage.”
“Yes. You see, I consulted with businesses and they didn’t like the minimum wage.”
“And drilling operations are going on everywhere now.”
“Well, business said they really like to drill for oil, so I told them to stop worry about any regulations on that.”
“And you suspended the elections.”
“Businesses were a bit worried Democrats would get elected.”
“Also, you imprisoned all of the New York Times in Gitmo.”
“Yeah, while businesses didn’t tell me to do that, I felt it was heavily implied.”
Wow, Obama is giving me a lot of interesting precedents for when I become president in 2017.

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