Happy MLK Day

The President, being a human who likes to strip away our rights, has big plans for Human Rights Day.  Here are some of the things he has on the agenda as he celebrates today:

• Host the annual MLK White House Bo-BQ.  (It is BYOB, bring your own Bo.  He doesn’t like to share)
• Go to the Antique Roadshow and get an appraisal for his collection of vintage race cards
• Finally sit at the back of the bus with the cool kids
• Carefully review the text in the teleprompter before his speech this year and make sure autocorrect didn’t change MLK to MILF again
• Formally announce that the White House will be renamed because it is offensive to Caucasians.  For the next 6 months it will be called the Verizon House.  During periods of time when a paid endorsement cannot be obtained, it will be called the European-American House
• Try and settle on the ideal date to celebrate national BHO Day, also known as Human Bondage Day
• In anticipation of Human Bondage Day, play master and servant with Bill, the interns and Hellen Thorning-Schmidt
• Have a dream that was not from his father
• Devise some more policies that will undermine the basic human rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness of Americans and make them slaves of the ‘greater good’
• Relax a bit and bet a couple of grand on the underground racist redneck rustlin’ circuit
• Review some of his favorite Reverend Wright sermons
• Sit back and watch the Duck Dynasty marathon, taking careful notes so he can draft A & E a sternly worded letter afterwards
• Invite Paula Deen to the Bo-BQ so she can be crowned Queen of Fools and mocked mercilessly in the stocks
• Try and remember to get Paula Deen’s recipe for chitlins before mocking her in the stocks this time
• Place this year in either the White House greased cracker or honky calling competitions
• Take a moment and ponder the ways MLK would have been a better man had Barack been alive then to mentor him
• Using the powers of the NSA, transmit his voice into the bedrooms of Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Charlie Rangle, pretending to be the ghost of MLK.  Post the resulting surveillance footage on Youtube
• Commemorate the occasion with a couple dozen selfies next to the MLK statue