9 Pieces of Advice for Obama in the Next Debate

Hey, so I’m back!
Yeah, I was gone. I totally was.
Whatever, anyway, I know what you’re all saying, “Can’t you help out Obama in the debate tomorrow?” And really I should help him out because he’s the president of the United States and just seems so scared confused all the time. You really feel for the little guy.
Anyway, Obama needs to be aggressive for this next debate. In the last one, he let Romney run all over him. This time, he need to come out full force with everything he has. That will really get the left to love him again. Here’s some ideas:
ADVICE FOR OBAMA’S NEXT DEBATE
* It’s going to be a town meeting style debate, but you can’t give people the idea it’s okay to question you. So if one question from a citizen seems negative, immediately drop to the floor, start pounding the ground, and scream, “I’m the president! I’m the president!”
* If you disagree with anything Romney says, don’t just stand there. Cover your ears and screech, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”
* When you shake hands with Romney at the beginning, bite him. But be careful; that can come off poorly if done wrong.
* If you don’t have a good answer for any question — like any questions about the horrible economy — just say, “I killed bin Laden! Bin Laden dead because ME!”
* If something Romney says frustrates you, throw some papers around and shout, “Me angry!”
* Take a low dosage of the Joker venom so you can smile all the time like Biden.
* Scream “Ahhhhhhh!” constantly so no one can hear what Romney is saying.
* If what Romney says about your job as president is especially mean, don’t be afraid to cry.
* Finally, if things seem to be going poorly, just run off the stage screaming, “I hate all of you! This is stupid!”
If you do these things, Obama, you’ll be the hero of the left again. Like Alan Grayson.