The Bayonets Debate

Oy! Foreign policy debate! So boring! They just talked about all these places I’ve never even heard of. Like Mali? What even is that? Is that a country? Is it near Bali? Is Bali a country or did I just make that up?
So the last debate was especially designed to go over the heads of the low information voters that are still undecided, so I don’t see how either of them could get much traction in it. Still, Obama got in one good zinger. When Romney was going on about how we have less ships in the navy than under past presidents by saying we have fewer bayonets and horses too. Pretty good — except that we probably don’t have less bayonets since every Marine is issued one and still actively uses them. But to know things like that, Obama would have to have talked to or at least seen an active member of the military which is very much beneath him. So he’s little out of touch with what they’re doing. He thought the Navy SEALs that killed bin Laden were an actual group of trained seals.
But anyway, the important thing is that Obama finally took on that stupid navy we don’t need. Come on; it’s the Aquaman of the military. What threats do we have at sea? No one lives there. And I’ve never heard of water terrorists. And if we got rid of the Navy, with all the money we’d save, think of all the birth control we could buy Sandra Fluke.
And once again during the debate, Obama unveiled his solution for everything foreign and domestic: More teachers! Like they’re this fungible commodity, and if you just increase their number regardless of quality, everything gets better. Me, I hate teachers and want less of them.   I believe the path to better education is in fact less schools and less teachers.
Anyway, expect Obama to have be declared the winner of this and Romney’s poll numbers to continue to move up as a result. Obama tried to paint him as a warmonger, but Romney was more of a boremonger — boring us with all the details he knows while not sounding very militaristic. In the end, he looked calm and presidential and Obama once again looked peevish and like someone trying to fight from behind.
Aw, man. I’m right-wing humorist. I can’t go back to having a Republican president. What will I make fun of?