Homophobes Were Born That Way Too

Now that the Supreme Court has shut down DOMA, the inevitable consequences must inevitably follow.  Here are some of the less publicized consequences:

• People who wear white after Labor Day will be put in the stocks and mocked mercilessly.
• This day in history will be commemorated now and forevermore as Judy Garland Day.
• Congress will declare that everyone has the right to glitter bombs.
• All federal documents will now have to be written in both English and Lisp.
• Glee will never be cancelled.
• In addition to the traditional opening prayer, church services will be required to start all meetings with a lip synch from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
• Now that the fabric of society has been altered, Obama is going to have to go back and reorganize all of those communities.
• Modern Family will add polyamorous and polygamous families to the show to begin paving the way for the next constitutional marriage challenges.
• George Takei will finally feel comfortable coming out of the closet and admitting that he isn’t gay after all but just really, really weird.
• Gay men will begin to demand the right to have a womb.  Its design and implantation will be covered by Obamacare.
• Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!
• The National Anthem will be replaced with Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
• Brokeback Mountain Goat will receive an Oscar for best motion picture and begin paving the way for the next constitutional marriage challenges.
• The wait to reserve a decent wedding chapel just got that much longer.
• Bloody fights will erupt over which of the grooms’ fathers will have to foot the bill for the wedding.
• A new industry will arise around same sex divorces and prenup agreements.
• A whole trove of legal precedents will arise concerning who has the rights to the Lady Gaga paraphernalia in a divorce.
• A new series of Twilight novels will pave the way for the next constitutional marriage challenges.