The Rules of Socialist Acquisition

1. To each according to his ability to work the system.
2. Compassion without coercion is useless.
3. Never ask when you can use the government to take.
4. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy are undertaxed.
5. All we want is what's yours.
6. Monopoly is evil unless the government runs it.
7. Class envy makes a good running mate.
8. If a government program fails, repeat.
9. Every rake deserves to be stepped on twice.
10. It is critical that the expected "returns" on any "investment" are never defined.
11. Never feed the hungry on an empty stomach.
12. Always know who you're buying.
13. Exclusive knowledge is power.
14. Never be afraid to mislabel an opponent.
15. Be clean, articulate, and non-threatening.
16. When in doubt, throw a friend under the bus.
17. Never allow others' self-interest to stand in the way of your common good.
18. A liberal without guilt is no liberal at all.
19. When someone says, "I'm not a racist," he's lying.
20. A dead vote is just as good as a live one.
21. A good vote is worth casting twice.
22. Actual progress is not guaranteed.
23. Small print is the best invention since snake oil.
24. Entitlements and handouts will always overcome freedom and opportunity.
25. Integrity is no substitute for campaign cash.
26. A friend in need is a potential donor and land deal partner.
27. Never confuse powerful financial backers with luck.
28. Make sure your campaign cash doesn't cost you more than it is really worth.
29. Beware of relatives giving speeches.
30. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest political adviser.
31. The most beautiful thing about the environment is that you can turn it into an election issue.
32. Citing Global Warming yields more cash than pointing a gun.
33. Always trust a person wearing a suit better than your own.
34. Moral choice is a complex personal issue that is better defined by focus groups.
35. Morality has limits. Moral relativism has none.
36. Never make fun of a Democrat candidate's family. Insult something he cares about instead.
37. Be careful what you legislate. It may do exactly what Rush Limbaugh says it would.
38. Compromise means the absence of opposition to Democrats.
39. War is good for political activism.
40. People could afford housing and healthcare without the government - if it weren't for the government.
41. Talk is cheap. Heap it generously on the public.
42. There isn't a gaffe by a Democrat politician that the media won't overlook.
43. Never argue with a loaded Kennedy.
44. Labor camps are full of people who opposed someone's beautiful dream.
45. Entitlement is the easiest way to enslave a population.
46. Democracy has limits. Dictatorship has none.
47. Saying stupid things is often smart.
48. Never cross Michelle Obama.
49. Never let the electorate know what you're thinking.
50. Never admit anything that can't be later blamed on Republicans.
51. Only the Democrats could screw up New Orleans so badly and keep getting elected.
52. Knowledge is bliss, ignorance is power.
53. Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a Democrat voter.
54. Pursue social justice; money and power will come later.
55. All voters are suckers.
56. Every once in a while offer a compromise; it confuses the hell out of Republicans.
57. There is no substitute for an unnecessary government program.
58. Never do something that the government can do for you.
59. Never spend your own money when you can spend the government's.
60. Money taken as profit is immoral; money taken by government is the highest form of Lightworking.
61. If it can get you elected, say it!
62. Only fools say what they believe.
63. Faith moves mountains of "Obama" memorabilia.
64. Poverty is no crime. Better yet, it's an excellent source of votes for the Democrat party.
65. Even in the worst of times, someone always gets elected.
66. Never snort cocaine and have sex in a limo with a homosexual drug user named Larry Sinclair.
67. Oil is a stolen product.
68. Practice saying it in front of the mirror: "This isn't the Almighty God that I know."
69. Law makes everyone equal, but presidential pardons go to the highest bidder.
70. There's nothing wrong with big business as long as they donate to anti-business causes.
71. Never buy votes if ACORN can fix it for nothing.
72. Friends and family are the rungs on the ladder of success - don't hesitate to step on them.
73. Blood is thicker than Kool-Aid.
74. Blame Bush first; ask questions later.